Should you stay with someone who cheated on you? The choice to stay after infidelity is a personal one, and the justifications and outcomes will look different for every couple. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In this article, we\u2019ll explore a few common reasons\u2014positive and negative\u2014that someone might stay with their partner after infidelity and flesh out some common outcomes of remaining with a cheating partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
While you may not find a scenario that fits your circumstances exactly, the advice below could still help you determine whether to stay or go. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
10 Reasons to Stay with Someone Who Cheated on You (Good or Bad)<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
There are a variety of reasons why someone might stay with a partner who cheated on them. Not all of them are positive, but no relationship is perfect. Let\u2019s explore some common justifications for sticking it out after an infidelity incident. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. You Love Them Too Much!<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s face it\u2014some transgressions are forgivable, and others are not. But, this metric is dependent upon a variety of factors like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- How much you love your partner<\/li>
- The duration of the relationship<\/li>
- Past infidelities<\/li>
- Outside opinions from family and friends<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
You may find that, after discovering your partner\u2019s infidelity, you love them enough to forgive their mistakes. This reaction might sound like a romantic cliche, which is slightly true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you feel like you\u2019re too in love with your spouse to leave them after they cheat on you, remember that your sentiments are just that\u2014emotional responses to an emotionally charged situation. Before making any major decisions, investigate your love for your partner and try to find an additional justification for staying or leaving. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. You Believe in Second Chances<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps you\u2019re a big believer in second chances. Everyone makes mistakes, even people who have been married for decades. If you\u2019re prone to giving people the benefit of the doubt or use a three-strike system to determine guilt, you may choose to give your cheating partner another chance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But, even if you commonly give people a chance to right their wrongs, remember that not every conflict is created equal. If you ask your cousin to bring cranberry sauce to Thanksgiving dinner and they fail to do so, a second chance is probably an appropriate response.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, cheating is a conflict of a significantly higher magnitude. Before considering your second chance policy, think about how you\u2019ll feel if history repeats itself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Read More:<\/strong> 13 Types of Affairs Everyone In a Troubled Relationship Should Know<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. They Truly Regret Cheating<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s possible that your partner truly, genuinely regrets cheating on you. While it may be hard to tell whether or not they\u2019re telling the truth after a major transgression, their response to healthy boundaries set after the affair may give you an insight into whether or not they feel remorse.<\/p>\n\n\n
\n![\"picture](\"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/regret-cheating.jpg\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\nIf you decide to stay with a cheating partner who shows genuine guilt, consider setting some of the following boundaries<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Committing to regular relationship counseling<\/li>
- Splitting household or child-rearing duties more evenly<\/li>
- Creating a standing appointment for a date night or alone time with your partner<\/li>
- Asking for a \u201ccone of silence\u201d about the infidelity\u2014asking your partner not to tell family or friends<\/li>
- Regular check-ins via phone, text, or email while you\u2019re apart during the day<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
Setting boundaries achieves three key goals:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- It allows your partner to regain your trust.<\/li>
- It allows you to observe your partner\u2019s commitment to your boundaries, which may indicate their desire to stay in the relationship or their guilt (or lack thereof) about the affair.<\/li>
- It prevents and reduces resentment between partners by setting clearly defined expectations for the relationship.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
While you might have set some of these boundaries earlier in your relationship, it\u2019s time to reinstate them. If you\u2019ve been cheated on, your relationship may be at rock bottom, and it\u2019ll take effort to rebuild a strong foundation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. They Know Your Deepest Secrets<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Are you scared your partner will share your secrets if you end the relationship after infidelity? If so, this could point to two major issues:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- You could be keeping critical secrets from people you care about, which wears on your physical, mental, and social health.<\/li>
- Your partner uses private information to coerce you into staying in the relationship despite their infidelity, which is a form of intimate partner abuse<\/a>. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
If fear of your secrets getting out is your gut reaction to ending your relationship with an unfaithful partner, investigate what you can do to fix the problem. If secrets are standing in the way of your freedom, it may be time to come clean to that family member, friend, or coworker about your mistakes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If your partner is blackmailing you by threatening to share private information or photos of you if you leave them, you\u2019re likely stuck in an abusive relationship. If this is the case, do the following as soon as possible:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Find a trusted supporter who won\u2019t share anything with your partner.<\/li>
- Reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/a>, which can connect you with no- or low-cost legal support and help you make an escape plan.<\/li>
- Gather as much physical blackmail material as you can, along with your identifying documents, valuables, and a small bag of clothing to take with you when you enact your escape plan. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Leaving a verbally or psychologically abusive relationship can be as difficult as escaping physical violence. If you\u2019re being blackmailed or coerced into staying with your partner despite their cheating, get help as soon as possible. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
5. No One Treats You the Same Way as Them<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps you\u2019re willing to stay with a cheating partner because no one else has ever treated you as well as your partner does. Perhaps you\u2019ve had unpleasant experiences in relationships in the past, this is your first romantic partnership, or you recently moved away from your main circle of family and friends. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If your partner\u2019s seemingly stellar treatment of you motivates you to stay, unpack this response. Ask yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Is my partner actually the only person who treats me well?<\/li>
- Can I meet my relationship needs elsewhere?
- Can I seek sexual fulfillment with a different person?<\/li>
- Is it possible that someone else could provide me emotional support?<\/li>
- Can I expand my horizons to make platonic friends for social fulfillment?<\/li><\/ul><\/li>
- If my partner cheated on me, are they really treating me as well as I deserve to be treated?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
As you\u2019ve probably guessed, the answer to the last question, no matter the circumstances, is a resounding \u201cNo!\u201d Even if you feel like no one else treats you well, there will always be an opportunity to make new friends, establish a new support system, or even find a new romantic partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Read More:<\/strong> 21 Signs of a Married Man in Love with Another Woman<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
6. You Are Financially Depending on Them<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re financially dependent upon your partner, discovering that they\u2019ve had an affair can be especially heartbreaking. If your first instinct is to leave the relationship, financially depending on them could tether you to a toxic partnership and convince you to stick it out. <\/p>\n\n\n
\n![\"picture](\"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/financially-dependant.jpg\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\nBut, where there\u2019s a will, there\u2019s a way. You likely weren\u2019t always financially dependent upon your partner, and there can be a future where you regain financial independence. If you\u2019re ready to leave, it\u2019s time to make a plan:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Do you have your own bank account? If not, open one and start saving money for yourself. <\/li>
- Explore your housing options\u2014and swallow your pride. Don\u2019t be afraid to ask family and friends to sleep on their couches until you get back on your feet.<\/li>
- Start looking for jobs or ask for a raise at your current job. If you\u2019re a gig worker, start picking up shifts to earn extra money.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
While you don\u2019t have to have a perfect plan before you leave, doing as much prep work as you can while you still have access to your partner\u2019s resources will ease the pain of the transition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
7. You Have Family Ties<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
If you have a close relationship with your partner\u2019s family, or if you and your partner have children together, it can be significantly more difficult to break up with them due to infidelity. But remember to use your rational brain when deciding to stay or go. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes, your children\u2019s lives will be significantly altered by their parents\u2019 separation, but plenty of separated or divorced couples co-parent<\/a> effectively and raise normal, emotionally healthy children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And yes, you may have a close relationship with your partner\u2019s siblings, but is that relationship important enough to continue suffering in your romantic relationship? Or, could the relationship continue despite a breakup?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before deciding to stay together for the kids\u2014or the in-laws\u2014remember that not every relationship is meant to last (platonic ones included).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
8. You Are In Business Together<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re in business with your unfaithful partner, extricating yourself from their life is going to be painful and disruptive for your personal life and your company. Before making a decision, imagine three possible scenarios:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- You\u2019ve decided to give your partner a second (or third, or fourth\u2026) chance after an indiscretion. You remain in business together, but can you trust them to be a good romantic or business partner anymore?<\/li>
- You\u2019ve asked your partner to separate romantically but remain business partners. Are you willing to make a significant time investment in boundary-setting and healthy communication<\/a> protocol? Can you handle seeing your partner with another person at the office holiday party next month?<\/li>
- You\u2019ve separated from your partner romantically and decided to part ways from the company. Are you ready to strike out on your own?<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
All of the above scenarios are feasible, but none of them is easy to achieve. But, if you choose to stay with your partner romantically, in business, or both, remember that you can always change your mind in the future. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
9. You Have Low Self-Esteem<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Do you often feel like you\u2019re lucky to have the partner you do because you\u2019re not as attractive, funny, outgoing, or financially successful as they are? You might be struggling with low self-esteem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Staying with someone just to maintain your own sense of self-worth is an objectively terrible idea. If your partner has a manipulative personality and knows that you struggle with low self-esteem, they could coerce you into staying despite their transgressions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To avoid victimhood, you need to ditch codependency<\/a> and end the relationship after a cheating incident. While you may not have seen the red flags at the beginning of the relationship, cheating and low self-esteem combine to create a giant red exit sign. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
After ending the relationship, it\u2019s time to seek individual counseling. You\u2019re worthy of healthy and fair treatment, and treating yourself with the respect you deserve is the first step to discovering your self-worth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Read More:<\/strong> 11 Signs He Will Cheat Again<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
10. You Are Okay with Them Cheating<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
After your partner reveals their infidelity, you may be surprised to feel ambivalent or even positive about them cheating. Every emotional response is valid, but you should dig deeper into your acceptance. <\/p>\n\n\n
\n![\"picture](\"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/ok-with-husband-cheating.jpg\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\nPerhaps you\u2019ve been considering asking your partner about a non-traditional relationship style for a while, and the cheating incident is the kick in the pants you need to finally have the conversation. Not all relationships are monogamous, and this incident might be an opportunity to experiment with:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Swinging<\/li>
- An open relationship<\/li>
- Polyamory<\/li>
- Multiple-partner sex<\/li>
- Seeking friends with benefits<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
If any of this is true for you, it\u2019s time to put on your communication cap and investigate your own needs and the needs of your partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
9 Common Negative Outcomes After Staying with Someone Who Cheated<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Even if you decide to stick it out with your partner for any of the reasons above, the outcome isn\u2019t always positive. Some relationships flourish after recovering from infidelity, some temporarily recover, and others never find the peace of the past. Let\u2019s explore several potential outcomes of staying with an unfaithful partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. You Might Not Be in Love Anymore<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
After putting effort into relationship counseling, setting healthy boundaries, and making every possible attempt to reestablish trust, you might discover that you\u2019re simply not in love with your spouse anymore. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
All relationships take hard work from both partners. Even if you\u2019re willing to do the work, or you already have, sometimes the love just isn\u2019t there anymore. Whether love faded as a result of infidelity or simply fizzled out with time, it\u2019s nearly impossible to create a romantic spark out of thin air. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
While relationships require commitment, you\u2019re not obligated to stay with a partner whom you no longer love, and leaving a loveless relationship isn\u2019t \u201cquitting.\u201d Remember that you\u2019re doing yourself and your partner a favor when letting a partner go whom you no longer love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. They Can Never Make It Up to You<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
After your partner cheats on you, you may feel like they\u2019re permanently indebted to you. If you decide to give them a second chance, you could feel a sense of charity or even start to take advantage of their remorse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But, if you feel like your partner can never truly make it up to you\u2014no matter how many romantic dinners they arrange, big romantic gestures they pull off, or household chores they do\u2014they probably never will. If you simply can\u2019t overcome your partner\u2019s mistakes, it\u2019s time to pull the plug. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Read More:<\/strong> How Do Cheaters React When Accused? 13 Ways to Know You\u2019ve Caught Them<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. The Cheating Eats Away at the Future Relationship<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps you and your partner are off to an excellent start in your recovery process. You\u2019re going to counseling, making time for each other, emotionally checking in regularly, and rebuilding trust. You\u2019re slowly, but surely, making progress and making amends. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
While progress is always a positive thing, it doesn\u2019t last forever in some cases. While you might feel like you trust your partner again in your day-to-day lives, perhaps a major decision, family crisis, or even a small incident shakes your trust in them and reminds you of their mistakes. <\/p>\n\n\n
\n![\"picture](\"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/bad-relationship-in-the-future.jpg\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\nSometimes cheating irreparably breaks a relationship, but the lack of reconciliation doesn\u2019t reveal itself for an extended period. If the infidelity is still eating at you after significant time has passed, you should consider leaving your partner once and for all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. The Damage Cannot Be Undone<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
You and your partner aren\u2019t the only relevant parties in an infidelity incident. Some affairs can bleed into professional relationships, family structures, and social circles depending on the length of the affair and the cheater\u2019s partner(s). <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If your discovery of your partner\u2019s unfaithfulness becomes public, sometimes the damage is too significant to repair. Perhaps one of the following scenarios reflects your circumstances:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Your partner cheated on you with a close friend or someone in your social circle, and you determine that other members of your circle knew about the affair before you did. Suddenly, it\u2019s not just your partner whom you can\u2019t trust\u2014you\u2019re also wary of your friends. <\/li>
- You and your partner are in business together, and your partner cheats with a subordinate employee. The cheating could damage your relationship, and your company might have to conduct a formal investigation if the employee was coerced. <\/li>
- One of your children discovers your partner cheating and reports back to you. This situation could shake your trust and permanently alter your child\u2019s perception of your partner. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
If the damage simply cannot be undone, it\u2019s time to end the relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
5. You Want to Find Someone that You Can Trust<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Separating from a partner after a cheating incident provides an opportunity for a clean slate. Being single is an excellent time to reconsider your relationship priorities, take up a new hobby, or investigate your inner self. But, it\u2019s also a chance to find someone you can trust completely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The trust eroded as a result of an affair is sometimes never recovered. While you may find it difficult to trust future partners at first, remember that trust isn\u2019t automatic\u2014it\u2019s earned. While you\u2019re single, think of how you can shed insecurities and build unbreakable trust with a new partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
6. You Never Really Trust Again<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Unfortunately, studies show<\/a> that the old adage is true\u2014once a cheater, always a cheater. People who cheat in relationships are three times more likely to transgress again. Having this thought lingering in the back of your mind might permanently erode your trust in your partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But, it might also create trust issues outside of your romantic life. Perhaps you become stoically self-sufficient, not trusting anyone to provide for you or refusing to ask for help when you need it. If you notice trust issues developing in your professional life or in relationships with your family or friends, it\u2019s time to investigate these trust issues in counseling. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
7. They Were Only Sorry that They Got Caught<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
If you stay with your partner after they cheat on you, you might discover an unpleasant truth while trying to rebuild your relationship. Perhaps your partner is only sorry that they got caught cheating and not that they cheated in the first place. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"picture](\"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/only-sorry-for-being-caught-cheating.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\nThis revelation is incredibly painful and often discovered in an unpleasant scenario. If your partner is still acting cagey, or if they\u2019re still interacting with their extra-marital paramours, they may simply never change. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Read More:<\/strong> 25 Cheating Wife Signs<\/a> or 25 Cheating Husband Signs<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
8. A Waste of Time and Energy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
If your relationship fails after a valiant attempt to repair it after an infidelity incident, you might feel like your efforts were wasted, and that you can never recover the time spent on this relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This mindset isn\u2019t just fatalistic\u2014it\u2019s usually untrue. Think back to the times in the relationship when you were truly happy. Reflect fondly upon:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Your first overnight trip together<\/li>
- The first time meeting each other\u2019s families<\/li>
- The birth of your children<\/li>
- Fun holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
While the last few tumultuous weeks, months, or years of a relationship can overshadow the good times you had with your partner, keep your chin up and try to focus on the positive elements of the partnership.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
9. The Fear of Never Finding Someone Else Wins<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
If your self-esteem is crippling, you may simply succumb to the thought that you\u2019ll never find someone else and stay with a cheater. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This outcome is arguably the most unfortunate of staying with a cheater, partially because it\u2019s often a delusion. But, old habits of negative self-talk<\/a> die hard, and it can be excruciatingly difficult to recognize and act upon your own self-worth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If this describes your scenario, counseling is likely the only way to learn to expect the treatment you deserve. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Infidelity\u2014cheating on a spouse or partner\u2014can deal a fatal blow to relationships. But, it\u2019s not an uncommon reality for many couples. A 2018 study determined that 20% of men and 13% of women reported cheating on their spouses. So, if you\u2019ve just discovered your partner\u2019s affair, you\u2019re not alone.\u00a0 Should you stay with someone who … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":2637,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"A Survival Guide to Staying with Someone Who Cheated","_seopress_titles_desc":"Read this for the common reasons (positive and negative) that someone will stay with their partner after cheating.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false},"categories":[123],"tags":[171],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/staying-with-someone-who-cheated-600x400.jpg","featured_image_src_square":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/01\/staying-with-someone-who-cheated-600x500.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"Lauren Cook-McKay","author_link":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/author\/laurendivorceanswers-com\/"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2636"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/20"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2636"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2636\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11023,"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2636\/revisions\/11023"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2637"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2636"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2636"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/divorceanswers.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2636"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
- You\u2019ve separated from your partner romantically and decided to part ways from the company. Are you ready to strike out on your own?<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
- Gather as much physical blackmail material as you can, along with your identifying documents, valuables, and a small bag of clothing to take with you when you enact your escape plan. <\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n