21 Signs Your Man Is Not Satisfied Sexually

by Lauren Cook-McKay | Last Updated: May 6, 2022
picture of a man not satisfied sexually

Good sex is vital for a happy, healthy relationship.

Because it's so essential, concern that your man isn't enjoying your time between the sheets as much as he once did can make you worried that the whole relationship could fizzle.

Since you're reading a list of signs your man is not satisfied sexually, that's a hint that you might be right. Your instinct that something's off is probably correct, but it might not be sexual satisfaction that's the problem.

Many things can come up in relationships that cause some or most of these behaviors.

For example, most of the signs listed below have several possible causes, so they don't necessarily prove that your man's not getting off when you're getting it on.

But if you notice a few or several of them happening often, you might want to talk to him about what you can both do to make your sex lives more fulfilling.

1. He Doesn't Orgasm

Most of us have faked the “Big O” a time or two, and even men fake orgasms sometimes, though it's much less common. However, if you notice a pattern of your partner not reaching orgasms or pretending that he does, there could be a problem.

This problem might not be with sex because stress, distractions, and other issues can interfere with people's ability to climax.

For example, some health conditions can cause delayed orgasms that he doesn't have the energy or patience to chase.

But sometimes, it indicates that the sex isn't exciting him enough to get him there.

Whether you're concerned that he has a health issue or you think he might find sex boring or unfulfilling enough that he can't orgasm, the best thing you can do is talk about it in a calm and nonjudgmental way.

2. He's Always Busy

The frequency of sex isn't a great measure of how satisfied they are when they finally get some horizontal time together. Some studies say once a week is ideal, while others claim that getting down and dirty more often than that makes a relationship happier.

Sexual frequency varies by couple and lifestyle. Sex patterns change based on what's going on in your lives at the time. Busy seasons mean less time for all fun activities, including sex. 

But if the times between start stretching longer and longer and he can never find time for even a quick roll in the hay, it could be one of the signs your man is not satisfied sexually.

picture of a man that is always busy

3. He Seems Checked Out

Does sex involve him lying prone while you completely take charge? Perfect, if that's your kink. If not, it can mean that his mind is elsewhere.

It's one thing for your man to be distracted at dinner while you talk about the hot gossip your best friend told you that afternoon. It's another thing for him to seem distracted and passive during sex when you're supposed to be completely focused on each other.

If he's doing the bare minimum and doesn't seem passionate or engaged when you're having sex, that's a sign that sex between you isn't affecting him as much as it should.

4. He Has Developed Higher Priorities

Has your weekly or monthly date night gone bye-bye because he has work obligations or old friends in town? His priorities don't only have to take the place of sex but might come before any time you spend together that could lead to intimacy, sexual or otherwise.

When his friends, hobbies, and other interests become more important than spending time with you, it can signify that something's seriously wrong.

Missing time with you occasionally for important things can happen naturally, but if instead of joining you on a date or in bed, he can't miss that rerun of a show he knows by heart, there could be a problem.

If his new priority activities have replaced everything that used to lead to rolling under the covers, the chances are good that avoiding sex is part of his plan.

Read More: How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating

5. He Stops Sex Halfway Through

Interrupted sex is one of the signs your man is not satisfied sexually. This sign often comes with your sense that he's not enjoying himself. If he stops in the middle of sex to talk, get some water, or distract himself somehow, he's probably not enjoying it.

This behavior can signify that he's having trouble reaching orgasms, experiencing pain, or losing his erection. It's impossible to guess, so the only way to know is to talk about it.

Several health problems can cause sexual dysfunction that could cause your man to stop during sex, and ruling those out before assuming any other issues should be a priority.

6. He Prefers Porn

People have personal preferences when it comes to watching porn. Some never watch, some watch it together, and sometimes one half of the relationship indulges while the other stews in resentment.

Whatever your relationship policy on pornography might be, if your man defaults to watching porn instead of reaching for you, it's one of the most prominent signs your man is not satisfied sexually.

Treatment options are available if you're concerned about a porn addiction because he's spending excessive time and money on pornography. If he only watches porn sometimes and you hate it, that's probably not a sexual issue.

But if porn seems to be taking the place of your sex life, that could mean he finds watching it more satisfying than doing it.

picture of a man that prefers porn

7. He Goes to Bed Before You

Couples who go to bed together are awake and available for sex when they hit the sheets. Going to bed before a partner can be an avoidance behavior to prevent being intimate.

Other behaviors that are signs he wants to avoid sexual situations are staying up much later than you or even falling asleep on a couch or in another room and staying there.

If he's not in bed while you're awake, he doesn't have to face you getting frisky and wanting sex that he won't find fulfilling.

Another possible reason is that he wants sex, but you've turned him down so often that he prefers to avoid a situation where he'll come onto you and face another rejection.

Read More: Here’s The Signs Your Woman Is Sexually Starved And Needs More Intimacy

8. He's Stopped Initiating Sex

Like the previous one, this sign can be because he doesn't want to have sex or because he does.

Many men have no problem initiating sex, sometimes more frequently than their women want. If he's always the one to start and you often stop it, he could be tired of rejection.

Some men decide that it's better to wait for the woman to initiate sex than be told “no” again.

On the flip side, if he's not interested in sex, he has no reason to initiate it. If you start it, he might find excuses not to or go ahead and have sex but without much enthusiasm.

9. He Only Focuses On You in Bed

Being the focus of your man's sexy attention is thrilling, especially if he's a generous lover. But pleasing your partner is part of the fun of sex. If you notice that he gives but doesn't want much in return, that could be one of the signs your man is not satisfied sexually.

There could be a problem if you notice fewer and fewer orgasms because he's not in the mood but is willing to please you.

The issue might not be a lack of sexual satisfaction when you make love, but issues with libido or erectile dysfunction that can have other mental and physical causes. No matter the reason, you're probably due for a conversation about why he doesn't want to get off, too.

picture of a man that won't talk about his sex life

10. He Won't Talk About the Problem

If you see signs your man is not satisfied sexually and try to bring up the issue, you might find that he clams up and refuses to talk about sex or keeps putting off the conversation.

Discomfort talking about sexual subjects is common, but people in a relationship need to learn to be open and honest about intimacy.

You can't know if he's covering up a physical issue, incredible stress, or sexual needs and desires he's embarrassed or guilty about sharing if he won't talk to you.

You can counter this by ensuring he understands how vital his feelings are to you. If you can discuss what's going on, the chances are that you'll find a solution.

11. He Is Always Starting Fights With You

This sign often comes with him being easily annoyed at you and snapping, especially over minor things.

All couples argue occasionally, but if it seems like he escalates every minor disagreement into a fight or starts in on you out of the blue, he's channeling frustration from somewhere else.

His irritation might not be sexual, but it still shows that something is going on with him or your relationship that will probably benefit from being brought into the open and discussed.

There are ways to start an argument or hold your own in one that can keep tempers from exploding. Try to use techniques to diffuse the situation by staying calm and listening without immediately going on the defensive.

One person can't keep up the momentum of a fight if the other person doesn't engage, so do your best not to give him the petty fight he wants until you can talk and figure out the problem.

picture of a couple constantly fighting instead of having sex

12. He Is Not Affectionate

There are two ways you might notice this sign. First, your man might not be affectionate when you're having sex. The act could be only about putting Tab A in Slot B without caresses, kisses, and other signs of affection.

The second way you might notice that he's not affectionate is outside the bedroom. Has he stopped giving you random kisses and hugs? Has he stopped putting a hand on your waist or shoulder in passing?

The lack of affectionate touches and glances can show that he's distancing himself and pulling away. He might not be aware he's doing it, or it could be intentional to try to show you he's unhappy without saying so.

13. His Body Language Is Closed Off

No matter what someone says, their body language sometimes tells the true story. Nonverbal cues are more unconscious than what we choose to say, so they're an essential part of communication.

You can observe nonverbal communication in everyday interactions with people. Crossed arms and hunched shoulders indicate feeling closed off and separate, while loose arms that move a lot and a straight posture signify someone more open.

Pay attention to your man's body language in and out of bed. When you're together doing anything, does his facial expression change quickly when you talk, showing signs of annoyance, contempt, or anger? Does he hold his arms close to himself or turn his head away from you?

If you want to get a better sense of his sexual satisfaction, pay attention to nonverbal cues when you two are knocking boots.

Does he look you in the eyes or avoid meeting your gaze? Do his arms go around you or stay at his sides? Does he turn his head when you try to kiss him and prefer to kiss your neck instead?

All gestures and movements are part of communication, so it pays to take note of changes in his body language.

Read More: 25 Cheating Husband Signs You Are Not Aware Of (Yet)

14. He's Snapping at You

Your partner being short-tempered can be one of the most significant signs your man is not satisfied sexually, but there are other possible reasons he's snapping at you.

He could be perfectly happy with your sexual relationship but unhappy about other things.

It's challenging to figure out the reason for his bad mood if that's the only thing you notice. His irritation could always be the way you leave your wet towel on the floor or show up late to things.

He could even be snapping because of guilt about how great you are if he knows he's lacking in some areas. However, if his snapping is one of many things on this list, the problem could lie between the sheets.

15. He's Easily Annoyed at You

This sign goes hand in hand with a partner who snaps at you. If it doesn't take much to set him at a boil, something is wrong in the relationship or his own life.

While it's possible that the problem is his alone, and he gets annoyed fast with you because you happen to be around him so much, the odds are that something's going on that he doesn't want to talk about directly.

Instead, his frustration rears its head by getting annoyed quickly, often over the pettiest things. In some cases, men whose frustration shows itself this way can seem annoyed when you enter the room.

If he does this, his frustration may be so high that he's almost waiting for an opportunity to vent it by becoming annoyed at you.

picture of a man that is annoyed in bed and not having sex

16. You Can Sense He Isn't Enjoying Himself

Most women have pretty good instincts when it comes to their partners. One of the signs your man is not satisfied sexually is him behaving in a way that makes you think he doesn't enjoy sex the way he once did.

What does this look like when you're in bed? If it seems his lovemaking is less about pleasure and more like a chore to be completed, trust your instinct that something is probably wrong.

Sex should be about fun, pleasure, and maintaining an intimate connection. It shouldn't feel like something to be marked off a to-do list, like mowing or filling the dishwasher.

If your man seems frustrated and in a hurry to finish or as if he's going through the motions, he's probably not getting the sexual satisfaction he wants and needs from your time together.

17. He's Avoiding Your Usual Turn Ons

Maybe you used to give each other shoulder rubs while catching up on your favorite shows, and one thing often led to another.

Or perhaps a Saturday night dinner with wine usually led to some slow dancing and a trail of discarded clothes on the stairs.

If the things that used to get you going have got up and gone, he might be avoiding those things to prevent the expectation of sex.

This sign can be as subtle as a fast peck goodnight before he rolls over instead of the lengthier good night kisses or any touching that might have often kept you both awake for a while.

If his behavior has changed to keep him from turning you on, he's probably avoiding sex.

18. He Makes Different Sounds During Sex

Any changes can be signs that something's different for him, but the sounds he makes can be an extra bright red flag that something's wrong.

For example, if he used to be more vocal or loudly moan in a way you loved, but he holds back now, he might not be experiencing the same pleasure as before.

The sex sounds people make are often unconscious when they reach certain levels of excitement and release.

Often, moaning and verbalizations are part of sex designed to stimulate the other person by letting them know how much pleasure their partner gets from what they're doing.

Changes in moans or the words someone says can mean the sexual experience has changed for them somehow.

Ordinary dirty talk and encouragement that sounds more like demands for you to rush to orgasms might be more about getting it done than enjoying the pleasure.

19. He's More Self-Conscious

One of the signs your man is not satisfied sexually can be body-related self-consciousness. If you used to be naked in front of each other often but find him covering up more, he might feel self-conscious about his body or your judgment of it.

Many things can cause this feeling. If your partner gains or loses weight and doesn't feel as attractive as before, he might want to hide his body.

Covering up to avoid criticism would be a common reaction if you've ever criticized his body or appearance.

If he doesn't feel like your sex life is as good as it once was, he might be blaming himself and feel self-conscious because of that.

This feeling can also cause him to hold back in bed or be unable to let go, making sex less satisfying for him and you.

You can encourage him to be less self-conscious through actions more than words by being open and comfortable around him. Talking about the issue is always a great first step.

picture of a Self-Conscious man in bed with his wife

20. He's Less Emotionally Available

Have you tried to talk to your partner about something troubling you, but he checked out of the conversation when you needed him most?

This kind of moment can happen to the happiest couples from time to time. But if you notice your man isn't emotionally available for you regularly, there could be an underlying problem.

If he seems uninterested in your needs and avoids being emotionally available while also not relying on you for his emotional needs, you two are due for a chat.

Always approach these issues without blame or accusation to avoid him shutting down before the conversation starts.

21. You've Noticed Other Relationship Problems

Sex is such a crucial part of most relationships that problems in bed usually don't happen in a vacuum. It's rare for someone to have an unsatisfying sex life while experiencing no issues in the rest of the relationship.

You probably noticed that many of the signs your man is not satisfied sexually have nothing to do with sexual intercourse and everything to do with availability to you and emotions.

Usually, sexual issues come with other signs like emotional distance and avoidance behaviors outside the bedroom.

If your man's habits change, like he stops coming home for hours after work or is hard to reach by text or phone when it was easy before, something has probably changed.

But don't assume that a change is your fault or that you're doing something wrong. Relationships take two people to make them work, and any number of things can cause both emotional and sexual difficulties.

It can be hard to talk about your concerns with the relationship. But talking about how you both feel is the first step to overcoming any problems and ensuring you both have a satisfying and fun sex life together.

 
Lauren Cook-McKay is the Vice President of Marketing at DivorceAnswers.com. She holds a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) from the University of San Diego and applies her training in private practice to helping couples struggling in their marriage. She strongly believes there is hope in all marriages and strives to provide therapy to couples that will lead them back towards a loving marriage, or an amicable divorce that brings peace and closure. Connect with Lauren on LinkedIn here.