Have you noticed an uptick in your lady's nervous habits? Do you find that she's flying off the handle about the little things? Can't seem to spark up the same interest she used to have in your favorite hobbies?
If so, it might be time to reflect on the last time you shared the intimacy, connection, and confidence boost that comes from getting hot and heavy between the sheets.
When you and your partner are on different wavelengths, knowing the signs of a sexually starved woman is a valuable skill for helping your partner overcome a recent dry spell.
What Is Sexual Starvation?
Sexual starvation is the difference between one's desired and achieved level of sexual activity. Known by other names like sexual frustration and sexual deprivation, it can happen to married and single women.
It could result from being unable to reach an orgasm, staying for a long time without sex, and losing libido due to trauma.
In the past, the standard narrative was that women struggled to keep up with men's all-encompassing libido.
After all, most women have a story about a sexually aggressive alpha male on Tinder who sends us pictures that his mama would be ashamed of, but very few men can say they've gotten the same from a random lady.
In reality, women get sexually starved, but it often manifests itself through external emotional responses. They may develop self-doubt and become hypersensitive, depressed, and anxious.
11 Signs Of A Sexually Starved Woman
Here are 11 signs of a sexually starved woman you should be on the look out for.
1. She Talks About Sex All The Time
Although the modern world is more open about sexual matters, finding a woman constantly talking about sex is a telltale sign that she's sexually starved.
She may have found a potential catch and doesn't want to keep them guessing, so she goes straight to the point.
If she's a bit shy, she might send mixed signals or remind you about sexual experiences you had together. When all conversational roads lead right back to lovin', touchin', and squeezin', is a strong cue, she wants sex and wants it now! Don't waste time.
2. She Feels Unattractive
Is she constantly feeling like her confidence at work and at home could use a boost? Head to the bedroom. Good sex goes a long way in making a woman feel confident and attractive.
When coupled with the societal pressure to be sexually active, it's easy to feel unattractive if she has a non-existent sex life. Having sex unburdens her from such anxiety and enhances her self-esteem.
There's also the argument that sex is a psychological need. Women often focus on meeting physiological needs like sleep, food, and water and forget psychological ones.
These needs have to do with safety, esteem, love/connection, and autonomy, and sex is one way of meeting them.
3. She Is Self-Indulging In New And Odd Habits
Has she taken up strange habits she would never be caught indulging in the past? It could be fiddling with hair, nail-biting, or gnawing teeth. She was conscious of such actions, but she's now doing them without caring.
You've also noted she's over-indulging old vices she had stopped. She could be over-eating, smoking, or drinking excessively to fill the sex void or relieve stress.
Sex goes a long way in relieving stress, and if there's no outlet, it's possible to indulge in habits you'd normally not do. The anxiety and agitation build up, making the mind look for other ways of relieving it.
4. She Is Always Sad Or Moody
She's probably wallowing in sadness or feeling empty for no apparent reason. She's also quiet and moody, and when asked if there's anything wrong, she can't give a conclusive answer.
You've also noticed she doesn't smile as much or laugh at your jokes. She's probably using monosyllables when responding to questions.
She might also lack interest in doing fun things, e.g., shopping or watching her favorite shows.
If the moodiness and sadness have lingered for weeks, check the last time you had sex. Lack of emotional connection or intimacy for an extended period causes women to be melancholic.
Sex helps the body release dopamine, the feel-good hormone, uplifting her mood.
5. She Is Constantly Tired
Is she feeling constantly tired, even though she seems to be resting for hours on end? She might be sexually starved. This kind of fatigue hardly goes away even after lying down all day. The body gets even more tired after resting.
She might also feel tension on the shoulders or lower back, causing her to feel more tired. Such stress affects her comfort, quality of life, and how she carries herself around other people.
6. She Struggles Falling Asleep
It's already past bedtime, and she has been tossing and turning for hours without sleep. She's tried everything from counting sheep to meditation but still struggling to get some much-needed shut-eye.
Her body probably craves sex. Sexual starvation can make a woman lose sleep and be lost in unnecessary thoughts. And if she's already feeling anxious, depressed, angry, or sad, it only increases the hurdle.
Sex helps her fall asleep faster and improves her quality of sleep. The body releases hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and vasopressin during sex to help the body relax.
Dopamine is the feel-good hormone, while oxytocin helps reduce stress. Although these hormones don't make her feel sleepy, feeling more relaxed and happier makes it easy to fall asleep.
Vasopressin levels increase during sex and after reaching a climax. The hormone plays a critical role in reducing stress which could help her feel drowsy.
Reaching an orgasm also causes the body to release prolactin, enabling you to fall asleep faster.
7. She Is Depressed
As much as she doesn't want to admit it, sex could be the antidote if she's constantly feeling depressed. It won't cure a depressed mind entirely, but it sure uplifts her mood.
Physical intimacy and touch improve a woman's emotional health alleviating any feelings of depression and stress.
That's because the body releases feel-good hormones during sex which temporarily reduce mental health challenges like depression. They include:
Oxytocin: It's also known as the cuddle hormone as it stimulates feelings of compassion
Endorphin: The body releases this hormone to ease pain and fight stress
What's more, cortisol levels, the primary stress hormone, reduce as these hormones' chemical levels increase. A study to determine a woman's endocrine response to sexual stimuli found that the stress response either becomes inactive or decreases significantly.
8. She Overreacts With Anger
Has she been snapping at everyone at home and picking silly arguments with colleagues or friends? This was the case with Corrine, a married woman who was sexually starved. Here's her story:
Daily Mail highlighted a story about Corrine, a 26-year-old married woman with two children. She had been feeling groggy, grumpy, and low.
She also snapped at her colleagues and felt depressed sometimes.
Reason? She didn't have sex for a while.
Work and family responsibilities would leave her and her husband too drained to have sex. As a result, Corrine developed a short temper, constantly snapping at her husband.
Corrine's case is all too familiar for single and married women who are sexually starved. Sounds familiar!
Many women brush it off as symptoms of pre-menstrual tension, but the truth is, she's sexually frustrated. Staying too long without sex makes women angry.
The frustration may result from an inadequacy in meeting the other's sexual needs for partners.
And if she doesn't communicate her needs adequately, her partner is left in the dark. Sometimes it could be you are not sexually compatible with her.
Women's sexual needs and desires change over time, and communicating them goes a long way in meeting them. You'll quickly notice that things that used to make her angry easily no longer have the same effect after having sex.
9. She Has A General Lack Of Interest
Is she feeling so lethargic, it's challenging to get out of bed in the morning?
It's not that she's lazy, but she's been incredibly sluggish for some reason. She also feels dull, avoiding tasks as simple as tidying up the house and engaging in activities that interest her.
The most effective solution is to have a hot, steamy sex session. It helps the body release dopamine hormone, which plays a significant role in activating reward-motivated behavior. It also increases one's attention.
10. She Is No Longer Spontaneous Or Creative
She's probably taking longer to comprehend simple ideas or feeling like her brain is at capacity.
Solution? Have sex.
Having sex makes one smarter. Sure, she could try brain stimulation activities like crosswords, Sudoku, or memory games, but they aren't as effective (or fun) as shagging.
A study conducted at the University of Maryland found that regular sexual activity helps the brain create new neurons and improves cognitive function. As a result, people think more clearly and are more creative.
What's more, the effects are more pronounced when a woman achieves orgasm. Sexual climax activates every part of the brain and enhances blood flow to the brain cells.
The surge of nutrients and oxygen to the brain fuels energy, making the brain incredibly active.
Another study found that sexually active rodents had more neurons in the hippocampus than virgin rats. The hippocampus is the brain region responsible for memory, learning, and emotions.
11. She Seems To Have Developed OCD
Sexual starvation can manifest in bizarre ways, like symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Lack of sexual stimulation can result in compulsive thoughts and behaviors. It's often the driver behind testosterone-fueled compulsive sexual aggression in males, but it looks pretty different in women.
Check if your better half is spending a lot of time engaged in cleaning or nesting behaviors that aren't typical, especially if they're accompanied by anger the moment there's a mess.
OCD is an anxiety disorder often marked by low serotonin levels, and having sex elevates them. In fact, sexual relations are more effective than prescribed OCD remedies like exposure and response prevention.
Another reason why sex could solve her OCD-like behavior is because it increases dopamine production.
Also known as the happy hormone, dopamine triggers an intense rush of pleasure, desire, and reward.
When the brain releases dopamine, it rewires the neuropathways created by developing excessive compulsions.
What to Do When Sexually Starved
If you've noticed your woman is exhibiting one or most of the signs discussed, it could be she's sexually starved. There's nothing to be embarrassed about, especially if she had some a few days ago.
It's possible you're not satisfying her or don't understand how she likes it. So what can you do?
Identify the Cause
The first step to rectifying the problem is identifying the cause of sexual starvation.
Have an honest discussion about why you've hit a dry spell, what she wants you to do to her body, and how you can help ease her mind to make sex more obtainable. Sometimes, it's as simple as washing the dishes to take something off her plate.
Be sure to rule out any health problems and medications, as they can also affect a man's ability to perform significantly.
Next, communicate about what you're seeing. She may exhibit some of these signs unconsciously, and unless you talk to her about it, she may never know she's doing it.
Help her understand why she should share her frustration without holding back by reassuring her that you want to help her feel good but that she must be willing to share her feelings.
Ask Questions
Ask questions. You might be having enough sex for your satisfaction, not hers. You might think you know exactly what she wants, but you're missing the mark if she's sexually frustrated.
Don't assume that just because a trick you picked up in college worked when you first got together will get her motor revving a decade later.
It could also be that you're doing it wrong, and she doesn't know how to talk about it. She may want it more times than you do or in a certain way. You should be ready to change as she points out what she likes.
Help Her
She may be sexually starved because she's too tired to have sex at the end of the day. Consider helping her with the house chores, so she isn't as exhausted when it's time to get some.
Alternatively, hire a babysitter to help out or do something special to make her feel loved. Such efforts help grease the runway to passionate, intimate lovemaking.
Be Affectionate
Her sexual frustration might not be all about sex. You might not be affectionate enough, especially when it comes to foreplay. Women love affection, and if they catch on to this pattern, they may begin to resent their partners.
She wants to feel your touch without ulterior motives because she won't feel the pressure to move on to have sex. Hold her hand, give her back or foot massages, put your arm around her waist, and ask her if you don't know what she likes.
If you're not big on touch, learn how to do it. Relationships are all about compromise, and you can't deprive your partner of physical contact if it's something she needs to feel satisfied in the relationship.
Change your View of Sex
Sexual starvation often results from a mismatch between expectations and outcomes. We assume we're having sex to orgasm in most cases, but there's more to the act than the grand finale.
One way to avoid sexual starvation is to have sex for pleasure, not focus on a specific goal.
Visit a Sex Therapist
If all such efforts prove futile, consider visiting a sex therapist. Professionals can help you communicate and understand your partner's sexual needs. It goes a long way in enjoying a better level of intimacy.
Encourage Her to Masturbate
Self-pleasure can help women blow off steam without making the other partner engage in sex when they're not in the mood. Try sending her racy pictures or videos you think she'd like, or ask her to show you how she wants to be touched.
Help Her Indulge in Self-Care
Give her the time and resources to be kind to herself. Encourage your lady to have a girl's night out, go shopping, or enjoy a solo trip to somewhere new.
Final Thoughts: Signs of A Sexually Starved Woman
Now you know the signs of a sexually starved woman. While having sex helps deal with the frustration, you can do many things to alleviate the negative emotions.
You can be more affectionate, do nice things for her or visit a therapist. Talk to heR to understand her expectations. Be sure to keep an open mind and be ready to take the necessary steps to satisfy her.
Lauren Cook-McKay is the Vice President of Marketing at DivorceAnswers.com. She holds a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) from the University of San Diego and applies her training in private practice to helping couples struggling in their marriage. She believes there is hope in all marriages and strives to provide therapy to couples that will lead them back towards a loving marriage, or an amicable divorce that brings peace and closure.
