What's In This Article
If you've noticed some changes in your husband lately, you may be worried that he has fallen for another woman.
It may even be difficult to put your finger on, but you might have a gut feeling telling you that something isn't quite right.
While every situation and person is different, there are some signs you can look out for that your husband may be in love with another woman.
This list can guide you through some of the prominent signs, so you can figure out if something is going on with your husband.
What Causes Married Men to Fall in Love with Other Women?
There are many reasons a married man may fall in love with another woman. Often, he may feel that he and his wife have drifted apart. Work, kids, and life, in general, can replace some of the original excitement and romance a couple felt. With a new woman, a man may feel that passion is rekindled.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with the quality of his marriage. He may still be in love with his wife, but according to psychotherapist Esther Perel, it's impossible for one person to fulfill all of our needs. Therefore, many men may find what's missing with another woman while still wanting to be with his wife.
In some cases, men are going through other problems, such as depression or a mid-life crisis, that aren't necessarily related to their marriage. He may feel something is missing in himself, and a new love may seem to fill that void inside him.
21 Signs a Married Man Is in Love with Another Woman
Below are 21 signs a married man is in love with another woman. If your husband is exhibiting one or more of these behaviors, it may be time to have a talk and figure out what's going on with him.
1. He Turns on the Charm When She Is Around
Often when a man has feelings for another woman, his entire demeanor will change when he's around her. While he may act normal around his wife and others, he may become extremely charming and flirty when he interacts with the woman in question.
2. He's an Open Book to Her but Not You
Your husband may start to close himself off to you. Where he used to talk to you about his feelings and what's going on in his life, he may be more reserved. However, he's much more effusive when he talks to the other woman.
He may share his problems with her and spend much longer talking to her. You may even ask him questions, and he'll give you a short or noncommittal response. You may later discover him talking to the other woman about the same topic while being much more forthcoming.
3. He's Always Texting or Messaging Her
Following sign number two, men will often spend a lot of time texting or messaging another woman. While many of us spend some time texting platonic friends of the opposite sex, there may be cause for concern if it becomes excessive.
You may catch him on his phone at any given moment, typing long messages and smiling as he reads her responses. If you ask him who he's talking to, he may avoid giving you a direct answer. You may also catch him texting at odd hours, such as times when he thinks you're asleep.
4. He Acts Like She Is No Big Deal to You
If your husband is behaving differently, you may confront him. You might choose to ask him about this woman that he seems to be paying so much attention to. His response could be very telling.
He may get overly defensive, even acting like you're accusing him of having an affair. On the other hand, he may try too hard to prove that she doesn't mean anything to him. If it seems like he's going overboard in his explanations, that's a good sign that something may be up with him.
5. He's Overly Complimentary to Her
On the contrary, you may notice that he's overly complimentary to the other woman. He may sing her praises to you or other people. Some men do this subconsciously when they have feelings for another woman, while others think no one will suspect anything.
You have to tread carefully here. Sometimes he may not have feelings for another woman; he may just admire one of her traits as a friend. But if you hear him complimenting her more than he would you or any other person, you can count it as a red flag.
Read More: 11 Signs He Will Cheat Again
6. His Actions Speak Louder than Words
No matter what a man (or anyone) says, his actions speak louder than words. You can confront him, and he can be very convincing in his denial. He may swear to you that he has no feelings for this other woman.
However, how he behaves is a much better indicator of his feelings. If he flirts with her, makes an effort to spend time with her, and seems to have more interest in what's going on in her life than in yours, then he may be lying to you and possibly even lying to himself.
7. He Talks to the Woman…a Lot
As with texting, it's normal for your husband to communicate with others. He may even talk on the phone to a friend from time to time, but fewer people are talking on the phone these days. If you catch your husband frequently calling this woman and his talk is about anything other than business, you have a right to be worried.
Besides talking on the phone, he may speak with her frequently in person. If they work together or if she's part of your friend group, you may notice the two of them are always together and chatting.
8. He Plays High School Games
Many men revert to their juvenile selves when they develop feelings for someone new. They may tease a woman they are falling in love with. Married men often use this type of childish behavior as a way to get physically closer to a woman without raising any alarms.
Your husband may teasingly touch another woman or even wrestle with her. In his eyes, this type of playing is innocent, but you should be alarmed if you see him acting this way. Even though this teasing appears childish, it's a form of flirting.
9. He's Looking for Things in Common With Her
When men follow in love, they usually want to share interests with the object of their affection. He may start to take an interest in her interests. For example, if she plays tennis, he may develop a sudden interest in the sport.
He may also attempt to get her into his interests, such as inviting her to a game night with his friends or volunteering to teach her a new skill, like skiing or playing an instrument. Again, if your husband is sharing an interest with another woman, it's not necessarily a red flag, but coupled with some of the other signs on this list could be one more piece of evidence.
10. He Mirrors What the Other Woman Does
Mirroring is similar to sharing common interests but with a few slight differences. In this case, a man will do what a woman does. He may follow her around and mirror her posture. It's a way of imitating physical closeness and creating a sense of intimacy between him and the other woman.
Usually, a man doesn't even realize he's mirroring a woman. It's a subconscious act but can be a strong indicator that your husband has much deeper feelings for another woman.
11. He Keeps Tabs on the Woman's Love Life
A married man has no reason to keep tabs on another woman's love life unless she's a close friend in a toxic or abusive relationship. Otherwise, he shouldn't have more than a passing interest in who another woman is dating.
A man may talk excessively about whom a woman is dating and may even critique the other man, saying he's not good enough for her. He may even seem to be jealous.
Again, you have to be careful here because some men enjoy gossiping. If his interest seems to be gossipy as opposed to jealousy, he isn't necessarily in love with this other woman. In conjunction with other signs on this list, this sign may be a good indicator, though.
12. He Tries to Be Her Hero
Is your husband always rushing off to help another woman? While it's great if you have a good and helpful guy, he shouldn't always be coming to the rescue for one particular woman. Be sure not to get paranoid if your husband occasionally helps out another woman when she genuinely has a problem that he can help with.
However, if he's always coming to her rescue, that may be a problem. Does he drop everything to help her? Are the “problems” often issues she could solve herself or ask someone else for help? These circumstances may be a warning sign.
13. He Wants to Be Close to Her
When a man falls in love with another woman, he'll make any possible excuse to be close to her. He'll consistently arrange situations where they can be together. He may invent reasons to go and see her.
You may also notice that your husband is finding reasons to avoid you in this situation. He may make excuses for why he can't spend time with you, and he may pull away physically. Where things were once comfortable between the two of you, they may now be awkward.
14. He Buys Her Gifts
Men who are in love often want to spoil the woman with gifts. These gifts can range from cute trinkets to expensive jewelry. You may notice him buying her presents for her birthday or gift-giving holidays, and even just because.
Buying gifts for another woman is a major red flag. Your husband may try to hide these presents from you, but you're likely to notice unexpected charges on his credit card. If he's buying gifts for another woman, you need to figure out what's going on immediately.
15. He Makes Time for the Other Woman
When a man develops feelings for another woman, he's willing to make time for her, no matter what else is going on in his life. He'll drop everything if she needs him or simply wants to spend time together.
To make matters worse, you may notice that he never makes time for you anymore. Sometimes he won't even make time for his family while still making time for the other woman.
16. He Inquires About Her Future Plans
When a married man falls in love with another woman, he often thinks about his future. He may fantasize about leaving his wife or even take the first steps to separate. He'll also want to know what the woman is planning on doing in the future.
Many men won't think of leaving their wives until they're sure the other woman wants to be with them. They want to be sure that she'll be waiting for him if he takes that risk. Thus, he'll often inquire as to what she plans on doing in the future.
He may also want to know if she's looking for something long-term. Most men think that the new relationship will last forever if they leave their wives.
Read More: 25 Reasons for Divorce
17. He Finds Ways to Be with Her
A married man may feel like he never gets enough time with the woman he's falling for. Whether they work together or are part of the same social circle, he's often looking for even more time with her.
As a result, he'll come up with excuses to be with her. He may volunteer to help her with various projects or invent even more complicated reasons for the two of them to spend time together. As time goes on, he may come up with even more ridiculous reasons for why he needs to spend time with her.
18. His Body Language Speaks Volumes
Men often don't say what's going on with them, but their body language can tell you everything you need to know. His entire demeanor may change when he's around the woman in question. He may brighten up and smile more often.
You might also notice him angling himself toward her or keeping an eye on her if she's in a crowd. If they're standing near one another, he'll make little excuses to touch her arm or back. He may even be doing some of these things subconsciously, but you'll be able to notice.
19. He Lives a Double Life
Married men often live a double life, especially if they've decided to begin a relationship with the other woman while remaining married to their wife. He'll often get a burner phone and a secret credit card so that his wife won't figure out what's going on.
A wealthier man may even go so far as to reserve expensive hotel rooms or rent an apartment to keep an affair going on. In some cases, he won't tell the other woman that he's married because he's afraid of losing her if he discovers the truth. These men are leading double lives with two women.
20. The Woman Acts Like He Loves Her
Sometimes you don't have to look to your husband to figure out if he's in love with another woman. Sometimes you just need to look at the woman herself. Does she act like your husband is in love with her?
Watch their interactions and how she responds to him. Do you notice an intimacy between them? She may touch him, look into his eyes a little too long, and laugh a little too loudly at his jokes.
The woman may act differently around you as well. She may avoid you, and if the two of you do talk, it can feel awkward.
21. He Came Right Out and Said It
Of course, many times a man will come out and say that he's in love with another woman, whether to you, her, or the both of you. If he only tells the other woman that he's in love with her, there's a chance that he's lying. He may just be trying to keep an affair going.
However, if he confesses his love for another woman to you, then there's a good chance it's true. Why else would he tell his wife that he's in love with another woman? He's likely reached the point where he can no longer ignore his feelings.
Next Steps After a Married Man Falls in Love with Another Woman
Once a married man has admitted his love for another woman, there are a lot of decisions to be made.
If You're the Wife
If your husband is in love with another woman, you have a lot of decisions to make. First, you need to take some time to deal with your feelings. You need to decide what you want. Do you have any interest in staying in your marriage? Think about your marriage before. Was it healthy and something worth continuing?
Next, you'll need to figure out what your husband wants. Does he want to stay married, or does he want to leave to pursue the other woman? If he wants to go, you'll have to let him.
Finally, no matter what you decide, a therapist can help you work through everything and come out stronger on the other side.
If You're the Other Woman
If a married man has fallen in love with you, there are a lot of concerns you'll need to sort through. You need to figure out your true feelings. Do you honestly love him and want to be with him? Is it worth breaking up a marriage?
Consider the fact that only 5-7% of affairs lead to marriage. Out of the few who do marry, 75% of those marriages end in divorce. The odds are against you. Are you willing to risk your heart?
You can benefit from therapy, too. A therapist can help you sort out your feelings and decide your next steps.
When a married man falls in love with another woman, it can confuse all parties involved. Below are a few of the most frequently asked questions about dealing with these circumstances.
Relationships are messy. Your spouse may fall in love with another woman, or his feelings could indicate a problem in the marriage. The best course of action is to open the lines of communication to figure out what is going on between the two of you. One person may not fulfill all of our needs, but it doesn't mean couples can't have healthy relationships.
Lauren Cook-McKay is the Vice President of Marketing at DivorceAnswers.com. She holds a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) from the University of San Diego and applies her training in private practice to helping couples struggling in their marriage. She believes there is hope in all marriages and strives to provide therapy to couples that will lead them back towards a loving marriage, or an amicable divorce that brings peace and closure.