Honestly, who would be attracted to the man who swore to love you and just proved otherwise. I hope there are not many people.
It's natural to feel a range of emotions after your husband cheats on you. Shock, betrayal, hurt, and anger are all common reactions. However, one of the most difficult to deal with is the loss of attraction. When you can't stand the sight of the man you once loved, it feels like your world is crumbling.
If you're struggling to overcome these feelings, you're not alone, sadly.
Cheating can rock the foundation of relationships. If your husband cheated on you, it's understandable if you're not attracted to him.
Here is 13 ways to reignite your marriage and rebuild your relationship.
1. Practice Empathy
The first step is to try and see things from your husband's perspective.
It's easy to feel like he is the enemy, but it's important to remember he made a mistake and that doesn't mean you should write him off completely. As long as he is regretful.
By understanding his side of the story, you can start to forgive him to hopefully heal and move your relationship forward.
Suppose you can't seem to find empathy for your husband, talking to a therapist or counselor could be an option. They can help you work through your feelings and develop a plan for rebuilding your marriage.
There are a lot of marriage counselors and therapists out there. Do some research to find one you feel comfortable with and who has experience helping couples in your situation.
If you're not ready to see a therapist, consider talking to a close friend or family member who can offer impartial advice. Just be sure to choose someone you trust and who won't take sides in the situation, or at least tries to hide them. No really, this is key.
You may not feel like you want to hear your husband's side of the story, but it's essential to try to see things from his perspective. He made a mistake, but that doesn't mean you should write him off completely.
2. Laugh Together
One of the quickest ways to reignite the spark in your marriage is to laugh together. And no, that doesn’t mean to shame him or make feel bad for… well we know what.
Laughter is one of the most intimate things you can share with someone, and it's a great way to bond with your husband.
Try watching comedies together, telling each other jokes, or just goofing around. Finding ways to laugh together will help you feel closer to your husband and make forgiving him for what he did easier.
Laughter is one of the best medicines, so don't be afraid to use it to your advantage. It can help you overcome a lot of the hurt and anger you're feeling, making it easier to bond with your husband again.
If you're struggling to find things to laugh about to help you overcome the hurt and anger you're feeling, don't hesitate to reach out for help. It is imperative to reach out for support if you can’t find a reason to laugh with someone you trust. Talking to a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial.
3. Write Down Specific Things You Love (Or Have Loved) About Your Spouse and Your Relationship
One way to start rebuilding your attraction is to remind yourself of the things you love about your husband. Write down specific things you have loved about him in the past or that you currently appreciate. Items on this list could be anything from his sense of humor to how he always knows just what to say to make you feel better.
By taking the time to remember the things you love about your husband (come on, I know there’s gotta be something there), you can start to see him in a more positive light. It's essential to focus on the good qualities rather than dwelling on the negative.
If you're struggling to think of anything you currently love about your husband, it might be helpful to think back to when you first fell in love with him. What were the things that attracted you to him? Write those down and try to focus on those qualities again.
It's also important to remember that relationships are constantly changing. Just because you don't feel attracted to your husband right now doesn't mean that this feeling will never change. As your relationship grows and changes, so will your attraction for each other.
It will also give you a goal to work towards – getting back to where you only have eyes for him. If you can't think of anything, ask a friend or family member for their input. They might be able to help jog your memory or give you some perspective on the situation.
After a cheating scandal, it's common for couples to want to spend every waking minute together. While it's essential to spend time together to work on your marriage, it's also crucial to focus on your happiness.
Spending too much time together encourages codependency, which is as tricky as cheating to process and overcome.
Which feels crazy right? I mean the man just cheated but now we have to stay by his side, that’s what I call strong people, us.
Focusing on your happiness means taking some time for yourself – whether going for a run, getting lost in a good book, or taking a long bath. It is so vital that you find ways to relax and de-stress. You need to be able to focus on your own needs and wants without constantly worrying about your husband and your marriage.
It might seem counterintuitive, but spending some time apart can help you feel closer to your husband. It will allow you to grow and develop as an individual and boost your confidence to spend time apart.
It will enable you both to miss each other and appreciate your time together.
5. Show Affection and Attentiveness When You're Together
It's essential to show your husband that you still care about him, even if you're not attracted to him at the moment.
Showing this means being affectionate with him – whether through physical touch or simply telling him how much you appreciate him. Which might allow for a few gentle punches, I mean, he does deserve more than that, but what the heck.
It also means being attentive to his needs and wants. I know, if someone needs to be tender to it is us, but then again, that’s why we carry whole relationships.
Listen when he talks, and try to engage in thoughtful conversations. Showing him that you're interested in his life will help reignite the spark between you.
Since you’re working through this together, you need to remain willing to listen to your husband’s wants and needs. There needs to be equal effort put in from both sides for a relationship to work. You can’t expect your husband to listen to you if you don’t want to listen to him.
Of course, it's also essential to be honest with your husband about how you're feeling. Go at him! Easily of course, we want this to work.
Tell him why if you don't feel like being physically affectionate with him. He might feel hurt at first, but he'll understand if you explain that you need some time before you're comfortable being caring to him again.
One way to make your husband feel special again is to plan special events together. Special events could be anything from a date night to a weekend getaway. The important thing is that you're spending quality time together without distractions.
A special night out is an excellent opportunity to reconnect with your husband and remind yourself of what you love about him. It's also a chance to create new memories together – ones that don’t have that other person involved, or others, who knows at this point.
Planning special events together can be a fun way to reignite the spark in your marriage. It will give you both something to look forward to, and it will help you create new, happy memories together.
Celebrating holidays or special events with friends and family by attending or hosting your party are places to start with planning.
If you're struggling to develop ideas for special events, plenty of resources are available online. You can also ask your friends and family for suggestions.
7. Kiss and Make Love Again
Sex?! With him?! After what he did?!
Well, nobody said right away.
One of the most important things you can do to help rebuild your marriage after cheating is kissing and making love to your husband again. Getting physical will help you reconnect with your husband physically, and it will also help you re-establish trust.
Of course, this isn't always easy. It might be hard to feel intimate with your husband again, especially if you're still feeling hurt and betrayed. But it's important to try.
If you're having trouble getting in the mood, you can do some things to help you. First, make sure you're taking care of yourself physically.
It means eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Try relaxation techniques like yoga or meditation.
Once you're taking care of yourself physically, you can mentally focus on getting in the mood. Getting in the mood might mean watching romantic movies or reading erotic stories.
Whatever makes you start thinking about sex, let your imagination run wild.
Making love to your husband is integral to rebuilding your marriage after he cheated. It will help you reconnect with him on a physical and emotional level, and it will also help to re-establish trust between you.
8. Make Talking a Daily Ritual
Another way to show your husband that you still care about him is to make talking a daily ritual.
And no, talking doesn’t mean to finish your investigation into all the possible lovers your husband had. It means moving on and trying to connect with him again.
Making talking a practice means setting aside some time each day to talk to him without distractions. It's crucial that you actively listen to what he says and respond thoughtfully.
This daily ritual will help you feel closer to your husband and remind you of what you love about him. It's also an excellent opportunity to learn more about his thoughts and feelings.
If you can't find the time for this, try getting up 30 minutes earlier or going to bed 30 minutes later.
Making talking a daily ritual will help improve your communication with your husband. It's also a great way to connect with him deeper.
If you're struggling to find things to talk about, try asking him about his day, thoughts on current events, or hobbies and interests.
One way to spice up your marriage and make your husband feel more attractive to you is to try new things together.
You cheating on him doesn’t count as a new experience together, I’m sorry.
New experiences could be anything from taking a dance class to going on an adventure vacation. The important thing is that you're doing something new and exciting together.
Trying new things together can be a great way to reconnect with your husband and remind yourself of what you love about him. It's also a chance to create new memories together – ones that aren't tainted by the pain of his betrayal.
Trying new things together is a great way to spice up your marriage. It will give you both something to look forward to, and it will help you create new, happy memories together.
10. Remember the Good Times
Before your husband was the devil himself, I’m sure he was closer to a saint, a clown or just a really nice foe.
When you're feeling disconnected from your husband, it's important to remember the good times. Thinking of happy memories might seem difficult at first, but it's essential to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
Remembering the good times will help you feel closer to your husband and remind you of what you love about him. It's also a great way to focus on the positive aspects of your marriage.
Remembering the good times will help you feel more connected to your husband. It will also remind you why you fell in love with him in the first place.
If you're struggling to remember the good times, try looking through old photos or videos together. You can also ask your friends and family for their favorite memories of your relationship.
11. Take a Bucket List Vacation
One way to make your husband feel special again is to take a bucket list vacation together. Big vacations could be anything from a trip to the beach to a visit to a new city. The important thing is that you're spending quality time together without distractions.
Spending time away together is an excellent opportunity to reconnect with your husband and remind yourself of what you love about him. It's also a chance to create new memories together – ones that aren't tainted by the pain of his betrayal.
Taking a bucket list vacation together is a great way to reignite the spark in your marriage. It will give you both something to look forward to, and it will help you create new, happy memories together.
I assume the bucket list will be filled with fun or relaxing things to do, but just in case, avoid visiting any stripclubs.
12. Be Spontaneous or Creative
Another way to make your husband feel special is to be spontaneous or creative. Being spontaneous could mean anything from cooking a special dinner (without any poison, maybe some very hot sauce) to buying him tickets to his favorite sports team together.
The important thing is that you're doing something that shows you care about him.
One more way to make your husband feel special is to plan a surprise date night. A date night could be anything from going out for dinner to seeing a movie together.
The important thing is that you're doing something that he'll enjoy, which will help you connect with him on a deeper level.
Planning a surprise date night is a great way to show your husband that you still care about him. It's also a chance to connect with him on a deeper level.
Being spontaneous or creative is a great way to show your husband that you still care about him. It's also a chance to connect with him on a deeper level. Allowing spontaneous connection shows you that you can still have fun in your relationship.
If you're struggling to be spontaneous or creative, try brainstorming with a friend or family member. You can also look online for ideas.
One of the worst things you can do if you're trying to reconnect with your husband is to stay on social media.
Social media can be a great way to connect with friends and family, but it can also be a significant distraction. If you're constantly checking Facebook or Instagram, you're not focusing on your marriage.
Staying off social media is a great way to focus on your marriage. It's also a chance to disconnect from the outside world and connect with your husband deeper.
If you're struggling to stay off social media, try deleting the apps from your phone or setting up boundaries for yourself.
One of the worst things you can do if you're trying to reconnect with your husband is to not remain true to your wants and needs in the relationship. It's challenging to know what you want and what boundaries you need to set to support your marriage when you're being influenced heavily by social media.
You might want to agree only to check social media or only use it for a certain amount of time each day. Whatever you do, focus on your marriage instead of your social media account.
Closing Thoughts
It's important to remember that it takes time to heal after infidelity. There's no magic solution that will fix everything overnight. But if you're willing to put in the work, it is possible to rebuild trust and create a loving and healthy relationship again.
Not being attracted to your husband anymore after he cheated can be challenging, but there are ways to fix it. By following these tips, you can start to rebuild the attraction you feel for your husband. It won't happen overnight, but you can fall in love with him again with time and effort.
Lauren Cook-McKay is the Vice President of Marketing at DivorceAnswers.com. She holds a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) from the University of San Diego and applies her training in private practice to helping couples struggling in their marriage. She believes there is hope in all marriages and strives to provide therapy to couples that will lead them back towards a loving marriage, or an amicable divorce that brings peace and closure.
