What's In This Article
- 1. Hiding Your Financials
- 2. Hiding Your Comings and Goings
- 3. Guard Your Phone
- 4. Use a Photo Locking App
- 5. Use Apps That Hide Apps
- 6. Use Incognito Mode When Online
- 7. Avoid Being Tracked From Your Phone
- 8. Use VPNs to Mask Your Location and Search History
- 9. Send Messages From Your Work Email
- 10. Use Your Phone in Private Locations
- 11. Use a Burner Phone
- 12. Create Fake or Hidden Social Media Accounts
- 13. Work a Job With Unpredictable or Traveling Schedules
- 14. Make New or Different Friends
- 15. Take Up New Hobbies That Require Going Out
- 16. Don't Create Photo or Video Evidence
- 17. Don't Choose a Fling That Wants More From You
- 18. Don't Talk About It
- 19. Have an Exit Plan
- Final Thoughts
According to one study, 16% of all American adults (and one out of five men) admit to having sex with someone other than their spouse while married.
People cheat for all sorts of reasons – they feel unfulfilled in their relationship, they suspect their significant other of cheating, or they just want a thrill.
Now, just a disclaimer: We’re not saying that cheating is moral or correct.
However, we’re not here to judge you either – you’re an adult who can make your own decisions about what’s best for you.
If you choose infidelity, do it right! If you don’t cover your tracks, you will get caught. And, if your spouse catches you, everything would be worse than if you were to cheat and not get caught.
Whether you end up staying together or not, if you’re going to cheat anyway, it’s best to hide it.
Perhaps you think your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating and want to get in their minds and figure out the ways they might be hiding their actions.
In either case, here is the ultimate guide on how to get away with cheating.
1. Hiding Your Financials
The first step is hiding your finances. Now, this does depend on the specifics of your situation.
For example, if you use a motel for your clandestine meetings, paying for your reservations with your credit card can be an easy giveaway that something shady is going on. Instead, pay in cash. If you meet at a bar, pay in cash as well.
If you don’t own a car, don’t take an Uber to meet your side piece. Instead, take a taxi, and again, pay in cash.
If you must pay with a card, open up a new debit or credit card and keep it hidden from your spouse.
Try not to make any big purchases, like expensive gifts or jewelry. When you do spend money, make sure not to make any significant changes to your spending habits at home, so that nothing seems amiss.
If you and your spouse share all of your income information, things can get a bit tougher. Starting a side business, getting a second job or raise, or using cashback bonuses for your extra expenses are all useful tactics.
Another idea is to tell your spouse that you decided to start investing more of your income into crypto. That will be pretty hard for your significant other to track, and not all of that money has to go into crypto investments.
2. Hiding Your Comings and Goings
This step is often pretty difficult. While your finances are typically harder to track, you can’t just leave the house every evening and tell your spouse that you’re off to see your mistress.
The tried-and-tested excuse of working overtime or taking on longer shifts can work, but only if your spouse is very trusting. If you go that route, make sure not to use that excuse too frequently, as that can raise suspicions.
Using doctor appointments as your excuse to go out can work once in a while, but not in the long run.
A better option is to say you’re starting to see a therapist to work on some psychological issues holding you back, as that would involve weekly or even twice-weekly sessions.
Going to the gym is an option, but your SO might notice if you aren’t losing any weight or getting more fit.
Go to the gym for two hours, but only stay at the gym for an hour, using the other hour to spend some quality time with whomever you are seeing.
3. Guard Your Phone
You’re probably using your phone to chat with your girlfriend or boyfriend, and you may even be using apps or websites like Ashley Madison to meet them.
If your wife or husband can get hold of your phone, the cat will be out of the bag. Guard your phone carefully.
It’s important not to be too conspicuous about this, though, as that behavior has more red flags than a communist parade.
If you never guarded your phone before, suddenly keeping it away from your SO at all times will set off alarm bells. Gradually transition into it, using the upcoming tips to cover your tracks in the meantime.
A good idea is to start locking your phone with a password. Many phones allow you to unlock the screen with your fingerprint or facial ID.
You can say that you’ve started walking outside or using public transport more often and are afraid of your phone getting pickpocketed or otherwise stolen.
Read More: Dating Sites For Married But Looking People
4. Use a Photo Locking App
Did you take any pictures with the person you’re hooking up with? Whether you took some selfies on dates or snapped some naughty pictures to send to your new love when you’re apart, you don’t want your SO to find them.
A photo locking app is like a special vault that you can only access if you enter a password or PIN. Some apps also support biometric access, so you can unlock them with your fingerprint.
One thing worth noting is that photo lock apps are best used as a backup plan, just in case your spouse does get hold of your phone. You should still keep your phone with you and out of your husband’s or wife’s hands.
5. Use Apps That Hide Apps
For added protection, use apps that hide other apps. Calculator Vault for Android is an app that looks just like a calculator. If your wife or husband somehow opens your phone, all they’ll see is an app that’s called “Calculator.”
If they open the app, they’ll see a standard calculator. It won’t look special in any way, so they’ll never suspect anything is going on.
However, if you enter a secret passcode, the app will open up a private vault where you can hide other apps.
If you are using Tinder, for example, you can hide it in this vault. If you use a separate messaging app, like Telegram or Signal, to message your flings, hide them in this vault. You can even hide images and videos there.
Things are a bit trickier on iOS, but you can use Calculator# to hide photos and videos.
In your content restriction settings, which you can find under your screen time settings, you can also restrict certain apps without deleting them, including Mail and Safari. You can then re-enable them at any time.
Another app worth looking into is Calculator Pro+. It also looks like a calculator, but it’s a secret messaging app as well.
When you enter a secret passcode instead of a mathematical equation, it will open up a secret “backdoor” messaging app that supports free SMS between users, as well as audio, file, and location sharing.
It works like a real calculator, too. Just get your fling to download it as well, and nobody will ever figure out what you’re up to.
6. Use Incognito Mode When Online
You should always use incognito mode when online, so your browsing history doesn’t get saved. If you don’t, you might forget to delete your search history.
This step is especially important if you visit sites like Ashley Madison or dating sites like eHarmony. You’ll have to enter your password each time you use those sites, but it’s a small price to pay for not getting caught.
7. Avoid Being Tracked From Your Phone
Are you being tracked? If your spouse smells something fishy, they might sneakily install a tracking app on your phone that can detect your location and even track your phone logs and SMS conversations.
That’s why you should never let your phone out of your sight. Usually, you need physical access to a phone to install these secret tracking apps, which you can download from websites like mSpy and FlexiSPY.
These apps then show your spouse your GPS location and a lot more! Spooky, right?
If you are worried your spouse is tracking your phone, download an antivirus or antimalware program like Avast or Malwarebytes. Run a deep scan to check for hidden apps or malware.
What are some signs there might be a secret app operating behind the scenes on your phone? If your phone suddenly starts losing its battery quickly or freezing, crashing, or lagging when it never did before, someone might have installed such an app.
There are other, less insidious ways to track someone’s activity. Did you know that Google Maps has a feature allowing location sharing with other Google accounts?
If your spouse can get into your Google account, they can turn on location sharing and see your real-time, live location. Pretty creepy!
You may even miss the reminder from Google that location-sharing is on.
Additionally, make sure you’re not using a social media app that shares your live location, like Snapchat. If you do use Snapchat, make sure your real-time map is off.
Also, if you upload stories to Facebook, Instagram, or WhatsApp, hide them from your SO.
Pro tip: On Instagram, you can create a separate “Close Friends” list for specific stories. Your spouse will continue seeing your regular stories, and they'll have no clue you’re uploading other posts to this special close friends list.
8. Use VPNs to Mask Your Location and Search History
A VPN will help encrypt your network traffic and ensure nobody can see your IP address.
Suspicious spouses with resources may hire private eyes who may try to hack your IP address to figure out whether you’re visiting other cities or towns to meet someone else.
When using a VPN, it will reroute your network activity through a server in a different location.
To the websites you visit, it will look like you are somewhere else; it won’t show your internet service provider’s IP address. It will also encrypt your network traffic, so nobody will be able to see what you’re doing.
If you’re even more tech-savvy, you can download the Tor browser. It bounces your network traffic between three different servers and IP addresses on the network, so nobody can ever tell where a network request is coming from.
9. Send Messages From Your Work Email
Your significant other may or may not have access to your email. Even if they don’t have it now, they might figure out your password, or you might forget to sign out on a shared computer. Instead of risking things, send messages to flings and dating prospects from your work email, and avoid using your work email at home.
10. Use Your Phone in Private Locations
Even if you keep your phone locked, if your husband or wife looks over your shoulder while you’re messaging a mistress or boyfriend or using a dating app, your marriage is over. Use your phone in private locations, like while sitting on the toilet.
You can use your phone at work, but your coworkers might see what you’re up to. Do you trust them? Might your spouse contact them to ask if they noticed you going out with anyone?
The more private the place, the better, and the bathroom is perfect for that.
Of course, you can’t always run to the bathroom every time you want to respond to a message. That’s a big red flag.
Other private locations can include your private office, your car, an elevator, or anywhere else nobody can see what you’re doing.
11. Use a Burner Phone
I talked about using secret messaging apps, locking your phone, and using it in private locations. However, the best way to hide your cheating activities is to use a burner phone.
That way, you can keep your main phone unlocked and in your spouse's sight, which will decrease suspicions and make you seem like a dutiful, loyal husband or wife.
However, you now have to keep your burner phone hidden. The best place to do that is at work. If you’ve seen Breaking Bad, you’ll know that Walter White hid his burner phone in his classroom at the school he taught.
Just keep your phone on silent, unlike Walter White! Ironically, while his burner phone did get discovered, he wasn’t using it for cheating.
You can also keep your burner phone in your gym locker.
12. Create Fake or Hidden Social Media Accounts
Adding new flings on Facebook or Instagram is a big no-no. But what if the people you match with on Tinder ask to see your Facebook?
They might get suspicious if you say you don’t have one, especially if they search you up and find you.
Instead, create a separate account just for flings. Keep it private, so it’s not searchable or discoverable by your spouse or private investigators. Give it out to flings, and create a whole new personality for yourself!
13. Work a Job With Unpredictable or Traveling Schedules
The best way to stay under the radar and avoid setting off red flags is to have a job with an unpredictable schedule. That way, if you come home a few hours late a few times a week, nobody will think twice.
Even better, get a job that requires you to travel. You can always say you’re going on a business trip when you’re just staying at a hotel on the other side of town.
14. Make New or Different Friends
Your existing friends may or may not have met your wife, but your spouse may still contact them. Your friends might not knowingly sell you out, but how they answer your spouse’s questions may give off clues that something’s fishy.
If you make new friends who don’t know your wife, you can be more open with them about your extramarital activities.
15. Take Up New Hobbies That Require Going Out
Infidelity can be addictive! The more you do it, the more you’ll want to do it even more. However, going out all the time for no reason can be a red flag. Instead, take up new hobbies that require you to go out.
For example, join a boxing gym or start playing tennis. Attend chess tournaments or join a book club. Go skiing with friends or kayaking by yourself.
Document yourself while doing those things. Post pictures on social media, if you use social media, so your spouse knows that you aren’t lying about those hobbies. When you do go to meet a fling, use your hobby as a cover.
16. Don't Create Photo or Video Evidence
I mentioned locking photos in a private app, but it’s better if you don’t create photo and video evidence at all.
Even if you use a photo lock app, for example, your spouse may figure out your password. If you send your photos to the person you’re cheating on your spouse with, they may send those pictures to their friends.
Or, if your fling doesn’t know you have a wife, they might post them on social media.
These days, it only takes a bit of internet sleuthing to uncover leaked photos.
17. Don't Choose a Fling That Wants More From You
This step is more critical than you may think. It’s important to hang out with people who only want to hook up. Whether or not they know about your marriage doesn’t matter as much as this.
A girl who is looking for a long-term relationship might know that you’re cheating on your wife but still expect you to leave your wife for her.
If you don’t do that, they might get upset and even lash out, letting your wife know that you were cheating on her this whole time.
If they don’t know you have a wife, things are bound to get even messier. They’ll probably want to go out on dates, but you'll be afraid of doing that for fear of getting seen.
They might get suspicious of why you’re unavailable on weekend nights, for example. When they do find out that they’re just a side piece, things can go wrong.
However, someone who just wants to have fun and isn’t interested in anything serious won’t pose any problems.
They’ll be fine with just meeting at her place or a motel, having sex, watching Netflix together, and then you leaving without staying the night.
They also won’t be interested in going out with you on dates, and they probably won’t upload selfies of both of you together to social media.
One of the best types of flings is those with people who are also cheating on their spouses.
Both of you have no interest in disclosing what you’re doing, so you can rely on the other person to stay tight-lipped about things. Furthermore, it gives you something to bond over.
18. Don't Talk About It
You shouldn’t talk about your extramarital affair with your spouse. Sometimes, though, the temptation to do so might be strong. It’s especially common for people to blurt out that they’re having an affair during a fight, to hurt the other person.
People also disclose their affairs during moments of weakness. They feel guilty, and so they tell their spouses. That often happens when their spouses do something nice for them or start talking about their feelings.
Not only that, but it’s also important to keep your affair secret from as many people as possible. Your cousin and even siblings don’t have to know about it, nor do your friends.
Word gets around in ways you couldn’t imagine. The fewer people know about it, the less likely you are to be discovered.
19. Have an Exit Plan
Finally, have an exit plan. While doing all of the above drastically decreases your chances of being caught cheating, there are no guarantees here. There are only two guarantees in life, and not getting caught cheating isn’t one of them.
What will you do if your spouse catches you and is unwilling to work things out? You may have to go through a divorce, and things can start going downhill pretty quickly if you don’t have an exit plan in advance.
First, have a plan for the divorce. Talk with a lawyer to discuss your options. Take inventory of all your and your spouse’s assets, so you know what belongs to you and what your spouse may claim.
Hide evidence of the cheating from social media, so your spouse can’t use it in the divorce proceedings.
If you have children, make a plan for how you will argue for custody or visitation rights. You should also figure out how you’ll break the news to them to make things a bit easier for them to handle.
Figure out your future living situation. Look into short-term rental options that you can afford, so you’re not left on the street.
As for your love life, have an exit plan as well. Make sure you are emotionally ready to handle a breakup and divorce – after all, if you’re willing to cheat, that is a potential consequence you must be ready to accept.
While you’re hopefully cheating with someone who isn’t looking for anything serious, that doesn’t mean you can’t broach the topic if things do go south in your marriage.
Alternatively, you can emotionally prepare yourself to start dating new people.
Infidelity is thrilling, scary, and fun at the same time. While there’s no foolproof way to ensure you aren’t caught, there are ways to drastically reduce the risks and make it almost impossible for anyone to find out.
Lauren Cook-McKay is the Vice President of Marketing at DivorceAnswers.com. She holds a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) from the University of San Diego and applies her training in private practice to helping couples struggling in their marriage. She believes there is hope in all marriages and strives to provide therapy to couples that will lead them back towards a loving marriage, or an amicable divorce that brings peace and closure.