When you walked down the aisle on your wedding day, regardless of the joy you felt at that moment, nothing could have prepared you for any sort of unhappiness.
As a woman, if your husband is not paying much attention to you and is more focused on other issues, you may start feeling unseen, lonely, unappreciated, abandoned, anxious, and stressed. Many of these deep-seated feelings and doubts can stem from marital issues.
Thus, “I am not happy” is a terrifying statement to admit to your partner, knowing it is true. You may be wondering, how will he respond? Will he be mad? Does he feel the same way?
However, you should remember there is no way your husband will know you are unhappy unless you gather the courage and talk to him about it.
So, please keep reading to know a few ways to tell your husband you are unhappy and why it is hard to speak about your unhappiness with him.
Acknowledge That There Is a Problem That Requires Solving
If there are issues within your relationship that are making you unhappy, bottling them up is not the answer. Tell your partner how you feel.
Of course, you may need to consider a possible fallout, but you will not know what your husband thinks or his reaction until you talk about it.
In the end, the conversation may help both of you to figure out how to solve the problem.
You may notice you are dissatisfied or unhappy in your marriage but find it hard to tell your husband about it. Here are a few reasons why it is hard to tell your partner how you feel:
Fear of rejection. Fear paralyzes emotions and can prompt you to live in dissatisfaction within a marriage. You may be worried that your husband may not understand your sentiments and unhappy feelings.
Fear of hurting them. You may be afraid of hurting them in the process by speaking your truth.
Fear of the ensuing conflict. You are worried your husband may be defensive, and a conflict may arise.
Uncertainty about the cause of the fear. You may not be sure if your unhappiness stems from your marriage or outside factors.
Self-direct blame for the unhappiness. You may be afraid that you are the cause of the issue affecting your relationship and are still in denial.
You must address your unhappiness as soon as you notice the specific problem interfering with your relationship. There is no need to let marriage problems build up before finding a solution.
Note that if easily resolvable issues go unchecked, they may grow into bigger problems if you hide your true feelings from your husband for a long time.
For instance, suppose your husband is a drunkard and gets violent after going on a bender; you may fall victim to domestic abuse, likely making you unhappy in the marriage. Thus, instead of facing your husband’s wrath every time he is drunk, consider raising his drinking problem immediately.
If your partner is receptive to the problem, this may allow the both of you to help each other overcome the unhappiness and his addiction and save your marriage.
Talk about What Makes You Happy
Other than speaking to your partner about your unhappiness, consider letting him know what can make you smile.
For example, tell him that you constantly feel neglected and lonely because he works until late on weeknights. In addition, let him know that having a date night and a Sunday brunch every week with him would make you happy.
Explain that having alone time together away from the everyday bustle may benefit your relationship. This will allow your husband to understand why loneliness and neglect can result in an unhappy marriage.
Use “I” Statements
When raising an issue or discussing yourself with your husband, consider using “I” statements while expressing your feelings to avoid conflict.
For example, you should say, “ I feel unseen when you do not compliment me on my wins,” or “I feel angry and disappointed that you do not stick up for me in your parents’ presence.”
These statements allow your husband to understand your sentiments from your viewpoint. Remember, saying, “You are so obnoxious that you cannot appreciate my success,” may make him feel criticized, resulting in him acting defensive; the conversation may translate to conflict.
The “I” statements allow you to communicate your feelings without blaming, undermining, or judging your spouse.
Admit Your Willingness to Solve the Issue
Just because you are unhappy does not mean that you should give up on your marriage. In most cases, remember the same things that may be making you unhappy such as the lack of communication or constant arguments may also be the very same reasons your husband is also unhappy; unless he is oblivious to the situation.
That said, it is good to take responsibility for your part in the issue both of you are facing. So, if you are willing to work on the marriage to reduce unhappiness, then be open about it.
Who knows? Maybe the quicker you speak about your unhappiness and the issues prompting it, the better your communication with your partner will be, prompting the happiness you both deserve.
Ask Your Husband What He Wants To Do
Although you may have your own views about the issues you are facing and how they can impact your relationship, do not hesitate to consider your partner’s response, decision, and feelings.
For instance, if you are unhappy because your love life is not as it used to be, or both seem to have fallen out of love, listen to his views and arguments. Fortunately, if your partner accepts he is part of the problem and is willing to work on making the both of you happy, then listen.
You may consider going for couples therapy to save your marriage.
Remember, it is wrong to take matters into your own hands before hearing what your partner says about the situation. Thus, consider respecting his needs, wants, and decisions before deciding on the solution to the problem.
If you are unhappy about a situation with yourself, your husband, or the marriage, do not hesitate to speak about it with him, despite how fearful you may feel.
Sometimes, being unhappy does not mean you should give up on the relationship altogether. Opening up about your unhappiness with your husband may likely result in merging grinds to solve the problem.
Lauren Cook-McKay is the Vice President of Marketing at DivorceAnswers.com. She holds a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) from the University of San Diego and applies her training in private practice to helping couples struggling in their marriage. She believes there is hope in all marriages and strives to provide therapy to couples that will lead them back towards a loving marriage, or an amicable divorce that brings peace and closure.
