Many marriages are like a rollercoaster with ups and downs. Sometimes you’re having the time of your life with hubby, and other times you feel like gouging his eyes out.
If the latter emotion occurs more often, trouble might be brewing on the horizon. Hating someone who shares your living space, including your bed, isn’t a walk in the park.
Hate is as powerful as love and an intense emotion you can only feel for a husband who has hurt you in the most negative ways.
This emotion can kill whatever feelings you once had, building up feelings of disgust and resentment.
Your husband may do things that infuriate or irritate you, and you may be wondering, “What do I do if I hate my husband?” This article concerns you and the actionable steps you can take to manage your intense feelings.
1. Acknowledge the Hate
It’s important to understand that married couples irritate and annoy each other—even the ones you see on social media looking lovey-dovey.
Undeniably, you only need to spend sufficient time with someone before their habits get under your skin. It’s important never to feel like you’re the only one going through such an experience and that you have the worst luck out of every married couple in the world.
Acknowledging the hate allows you to remain reasonable and not take action out of hatred for your husband.
Cut off the head of the snake, and the body will die. You may not hate your husband, but something he does. Maybe he doesn't take the trash out as often as you'd like. Or he doesn't pull his weight to care for the kids.
He constantly expects you to do all the cleaning and cooking, nagging your head off and refusing to pick up the slack.
Whatever behavior your husband shows is likely to lead to resentment. Leave this resentment over time, and it will percolate into hate!
Another instance is that your husband might have done something to hurt you in the past, and you still hold a grudge. He might have denied you a career opportunity or bought the new Xbox when finances were tight.
If you’re frustrated with your hubby and don’t iron out issues at the time, the emotion will bubble up and turn into hate. If you don’t hate him, but the way he goes about doing things, talk to him and air your feelings out.
It may surprise you, but many people are unaware of their habits, and once brought to their attention, your husband may be willing to change some things if you talk to him about it.
3. Adequate Time Apart
Earlier in your marriage and even during dating, you and your husband may have spent significant time doing many activities together. In those days, it might still feel like too much time was never enough.
A healthy marriage still needs quality time together – and quality time apart for the union to thrive. Pay less attention to toxic social media, pop culture, and rom-coms because most of what you see is make-believe.
Time apart allows you to re-channel your hate energy into other pursuits, enabling you to recharge, reflect, and regain control. This alone time will help you sift through your emotions to understand how you truly feel.
4. Consider Whether the Marriage Still Meets Your Needs
A constant hatred for your partner may suggest your marriage isn’t working as well as you’d thought. It may be distressing to consider that the marriage of your dreams is gradually becoming a nightmare. Still, the reality is the same for millions of spouses worldwide.
If you’re wondering, “What do I do if I hate my husband?” it’s possible your partner may not be doing anything wrong, and neither are you. The cold hard truth is that you may not be compatible with each other.
Most marriages have a honeymoon phase. During this period, shared interests and quirks can keep the union going. However, you may discover you have little in common over time.
Remember, all marriages face a crisis, especially when the husband or wife finds it difficult to communicate their needs. If you feel unheard or lacking support, your husband likely doesn’t understand your love language.
Consequently, it’s necessary to consider whether the marriage meets your needs and whether to save the union or cut ties.
It's a tough task to love a husband who doesn't love himself. Your hatred for him doesn’t mean you married your husband for his physique, but physical and sexual attraction are two real needs.
It’s easier to hate your husband when you don’t find him attractive, especially when he doesn’t care that he isn’t appealing to you.
This problem can compound every other issue between you both. It’s tough to respect a husband who doesn’t try to look good, and it's a harder challenge to love such a person.
Weight is a sensitive issue between couples, but honesty is the best policy in this case. Be bold enough to talk to him about your feelings – you want to stay married to a husband who respects his body and wants to avoid health conditions.
If he’s willing to change, motivate him to work out, and you can go the extra mile to work out together.
It's one of the most challenging things to accept the imperfections of a husband. Still, it’s important to remember that marriage is for better and for worse.
You need to understand that he can’t always do what you want all the time. It might help you to consider your flaws. It would help if you also went further to forgive him and let go of the past.
Accepting his imperfections will help you to move forward and create a fresh start. Still, some flaws – like cheating, are hard to forgive or forget.
It would help if you also didn’t tolerate narcissistic behavior and physical or emotional abuse.
Another action worth taking is to look at the positive side. A drinking glass can be half-empty or half-full; it's all a matter of perspective.
Focus on your husband's good habits and attributes, and appreciate his good deeds in your marriage and for you.
This technique of reinforcing positive behavior will push him to do better. Take a notepad and write a few things about your husband you like.
Focusing on his good qualities will ensure you hate your husband less and offer room for communication and growth.
8. No Blame Game
Your husband may be at fault for many things going wrong in the marriage, but now isn’t the time to point fingers. Pointing fingers won’t change the situation only make things worse.
Research indicates that pointing fingers in intimate relationships create negative responses. Your husband may get prickly and defensive, making it hard for both parties to find solutions.
9. Visit a Marriage Counselor
Marriage counseling is an excellent idea for couples who still want to stay married. It allows you to sit with a mediator who can look at issues objectively while working through any problems you might have.
Your marriage counselor will help you sift through your feelings and get to the root source of the problem to address them.
Thoughts like ‘I hate my husband’ happen for various reasons, including lack of physical intimacy, disrespectful behavior, and cheating.
Conclusion
If you don’t think it’s the end of the road, resolving issues by confronting them head-on will help. Consider working on yourself because stress can make you bitter towards your husband.
If you’re finding yourself wondering, “What do I do if I hate my husband, it would help if you weathered the tragedies, disappointments, and storms, understanding that it takes a team effort to work through marital problems.
Lauren Cook-McKay is the Vice President of Marketing at DivorceAnswers.com. She holds a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) from the University of San Diego and applies her training in private practice to helping couples struggling in their marriage. She believes there is hope in all marriages and strives to provide therapy to couples that will lead them back towards a loving marriage, or an amicable divorce that brings peace and closure.
