When the marriage grows stale, the husband quickly opts to have an affair. A situation that only happens in secret, never to be seen or heard by the wife.
An affair is hard to maintain, so why not be honest about it?
See, society asserts the conventional rule that marriage only involves two people. The idea of one partner having sexual relations with another person outside of the marriage is shied upon and viciously condemned.
But when all is said and done, it’s up to the couple to figure out ways to keep the flame alive in their marriage. To make things more exciting, couples are now, more than ever, open to trying out new ideas.
One such idea is bringing in other people as sexual partners. But how do you get your wife to consent to sleeping with someone else?
Here are ten steps.
1. Reinforce Your Love and Intimacy With Her
Intimacy and emotions go hand in hand. A good sexual union, therefore, only happens if your wife builds a close, strong emotional bond with you. Focus on communicating and meeting your partner’s physical and emotional needs.
Different ways to get you started on building love and intimacy with your wife include:
Physical touch. This involves hugging, holding hands, and tender touching even when in public.
Find different ways of initiating sex. Don’t be too predictable. Send a flirty text right before getting home from work. Surprise her by sending her flowers when you’re away, or call her and tell her all the things you’ll do to her when you get home. Essentially, get her in the mood.
Allow sexual tension to build. The need to have sex is constant between married couples who still find each other attractive. But, you’ll have a better sexual experience by letting the tension build up.
Eliminate routine from sex. The usual foreplay before penetration soon becomes old. Introducing the element of surprise makes sex more exciting. Have sex in different locations at different times of the day. Better yet, get her to sleep with someone else while you watch.
Spend quality time with her. Nothing makes her feel more special than spending time alone with your wife. In fact, this presents a perfect opportunity to see where her head is at and if she’s open to the idea of an open relationship.
Be emotionally vulnerable during sex. Men's usually strong, composed, and silent demeanor during sex is good. But showing your emotions during intercourse allows your wife to see the vulnerable side of you. It makes her trust you and love you even more.
Building sexual chemistry is an ideal method of reinforcing love and intimacy with your wife. When you have a solid bond with your wife, it becomes easy for her to accommodate your needs, even if those needs require her to be open to being sexual with someone else.
Of the five love languages, the most common is words of affirmation. Praises, compliments, flirty teasing, and sweet words fall in this category. Praising your wife’s naughty side does wonders, especially if your partner is the shy type.
It encourages her to explore her naughtiness further and tells her it’s ok to explore new ideas. Before you know it, sleeping with someone else, even in your presence, won’t be such an absurd idea.
Start by telling her that:
“I love your new outfit.”
“Thank you for …….”
“Everything is better when you are here.”
“That thing you did last night was really sexy.”
“I couldn’t do this without you.”
“Talk dirty to me.”
“I’m so lucky to have you.”
“You look so sexy when you….”
3. Get Her to Be More Sexual When She's Alone
Yep! Solo sex is a thing.
Being more sexual alone can transform a woman’s image of herself. It gets her to connect deeper with herself and feel more confident in her body.
However, true sexual satisfaction is impossible when a woman knows little about what turns her on emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Encouraging your wife to masturbate, for example, directly affects her mood. It instantly makes her feel happy and less stressed, and she’ll sleep better.
On her quest to be more sexual with herself, ask her to:
Wear something nice or lingerie even when you’re not around
Use candles or dim the lights before getting down and dirty with herself
Practice physical self-care by slowly applying lotion or massage cream/oil onto her skin and carefully exploring every part of herself
Take deep breaths to refresh her brain for a revamped sexual experience
Make a sexy/sensual playlist
Put the phone off
Also, ask her to get curious about sex toys and props. She needs to use different toys like vibrating sex toys, non-vibrating toys, remote-controlled toys, handcuffs, and lube. Whatever she feels comfortable with, she can try.
When your woman knows that she needn’t feel guilty about pleasing herself, letting you or someone else pleasure her soon comes easy.
4. Encourage Her To Start Dressing Sexy Out in Public
The way you dress communicates a lot about your personality and mood. Putting on a sexy outfit communicates one of two things. The lady wants to feel noticed, or she is feeling super sexual. Sexy attire is a woman’s non-verbal emotional bid to bond with others.
Encourage your woman to test out different styles, trends, and overall dress sexy. Tell her it’s ok to express herself by how she dresses. She can put on whatever she wants, irrespective of how revealing it is, provided she’s comfortable.
She can try out sexy stuff like:
A V-neck blouse or top. It gives herself and other people around her a hint of her cleavage and quickly gets her noticed
A belted mini skirt. This makes her feel more feminine, flirty, and pretty
High heels. Putting on high heels gives her a better posture and makes her look taller. High heels also perk up her shoulders, bust area, and derriere. Men will find her irresistible.
More red. Whether it’s a sundress, skirt, maxi dress with a long slit, top, or sweater, red is a color that’s associated with sex, love, and romance. It will look ravishing on her.
A snug sweater. A snug sweater accentuates all the curves on her upper body. It doesn’t matter whether your wife is fit or more on the heavier side; a snug, well-fitting sweater expresses her confidence and need to feel noticed.
See-through top. See-through outfits are a fashion trend that can appear extremely sexual if worn correctly. When your wife finally consents to sleeping with someone else, putting on a see-through top that reveals her bra straps will get men flocking around her, hoping to get a taste.
Men are excellent judges and can tell how horny a woman is going by how she dresses. The sexier she looks, the more she craves to be desired. Women use their looks to express sexual interest. Getting your wife to dress sexy lets her get the attention she seeks not only from her husband but from others too.
5. Validate Her Objections
Suppose a woman is unhappy about something; you will notice. Women communicate objections verbally or non-verbally by expressing discomfort. This is your wife; you have history. If she’s angry, you can tell.
When she expresses her discontent, avoid making ignorant responses like:
“Forget about it.”
“You’re crying over nothing.”
“That shouldn’t worry you.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
No response
The best way to validate her objections instead is by acknowledging her feelings. You don’t have to understand what all the fuss is about. So long as you are there for her physically and emotionally, it means the world to your wife.
Validate your wife’s objections by making thoughtful responses like:
“I know how you feel, and I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“I understand you are angry/disappointed/ unhappy. I will change.”
“I’m here for you.”
“Talk to me; what is wrong?”
“Don’t be afraid; I won’t hurt/let anyone hurt you.”
A woman may express objection out of feelings of despair, hurt, discomfort, disappointment, impatience, fear, and insecurity. How you react to her objections can either pull her closer or further away from you.
6. Explain Your Reasons and Desires
Having sex with other people doesn’t mean you no longer find your partner attractive. It’s only one of many ways to spice up the marriage. When your wife understands your reasons for wanting her to be intimate with someone else, she’ll automatically do everything or at least work towards accommodating those needs.
Men and women alike have particular fetishes. Communicate to your wife that the idea of her being with someone else turns you on. Tell her of your desires. If you also want to see other people, be open and honest.
You want your wife to sleep with someone else. Do you want it to be a one-time thing or a long-term thing? Many choose non-monogamy without fear of being judged or isolated by society in this day and age.
Ensure that your wife understands your reasons and desires. But note that despite the urge to be selfish about your needs, it’s crucial also to get her consent to engage in relations with other people outside of your marriage.
7. Identify Baby Steps
It’s super exciting to want to try out new things in marriage. But if you go from zero to a hundred real fast, there’s a high chance your wife will back out.
The thought of her sleeping with anyone other than her husband is foreign enough. It’s probably an idea that has never occurred to her. Compose yourself and let her ease into it. Most women adjust mentally and emotionally before acting out their desires.
If she can see it in her head, she can act it out in real life.
If you want your wife to sleep with someone else, take baby steps to get her there. This includes:
Getting her to Join dating apps or doing it as a couple
Going on a few dates alone or as a couple
Choosing potential partners with your wife. Let her do most of the choosing
Encourage her to practice non-sexual intimacy with a few people
If she’s comfortable, communicate that it’s ok to go all the way
Society teaches us that porn is nasty. However, behind closed doors, everyone has watched porn at least once in their lives. Porn is a multi-billion-dollar industry! Those couples who dare break the norm and watch porn surprisingly share more exciting sexual experiences.
Try and get your wife to watch porn with you; send her hints by choosing porn sites where husbands allow their wives to sleep with other people.
Why is it advisable to watch porn with your wife?
It gives you a peek into her fantasies. She may look innocent, but you’d be surprised about how far her mind wanders. She may not tell you about it, but the kind of porn she enjoys will communicate much more than words can.
It gets her in the mood fast. If you’ve already chosen a partner, watching porn together with your wife gets her to release tension. She feels more aroused and quite ready to explore sexually.
It sets an example. It’s probably the first time your wife is sleeping with someone else without your knowledge. She may be pretty naïve about it. Unaware of where to start and what to do, porn acts as a teacher.
It’s going to be something special that you two share. Few other couples admit to watching porn together. But when you do, you have something only you two share and enjoy. It can be your secret hobby.
Watching porn together can strengthen your bond. Whether you want your wife to sleep with someone else one time or often, porn can be what brings you back together.
9. Participate in Online Swinger Forums
There are countless legit swinger forums available online. Swinger dating is becoming more popular among couples by the day. On your quest to explore sexual experiences with other people, seeking out-of-the-box connections is like opening a treasure chest.
It may be taboo, especially if you are a married couple looking to become swingers. However, your own sexual needs and desires are your responsibility. Society should have no business dictating who to have sex with, let alone how to do it.
To be safe, choose paid swinger sites over free ones. When filling in your details, be honest about your age, gender, and personal preferences. Add high-quality and attractive photos to your profile. Chat with a few couples before setting a date. Be open and flirty to get a feel of their personality and see if you connect. Be respectful of people’s boundaries.
10. Find Out What Type She's Sexually Attracted To
Does your wife have a type? One look in the mirror, and you’ll know your wife’s type. Of course, assuming you don’t look too different from how you were when you two met.
But wait. What if her type has changed?
Good looks and chiseled muscles have little to do with the type of guy your woman finds attractive. More often than not, it has everything to do with personality traits. Depending on your wife’s desires, she may prefer a particular type of guy.
Generally, there are seven different types of guys. They include:
The Confident Guy: He dresses sharp, talks audibly, is charming, and expresses himself in a confident manner
The Intelligent Guy: This kind of guy is knowledgeable and has no problem sparking exciting and engaging conversations with women
The Artistic Guy: This guy is probably a painter, musician, poet, actor, or someone in the creative industry.
The Exotic Guy: This one possesses features different from hers. Most likely, It’s a guy that shares a different culture or ethnicity from hers
The Bad Boy: He’s adventurous and unpredictable. He probably dates a lot of women and follows no rules. He’s less concerned about consequences. He is a free spirit.
The Romantic: He buys her flowers, brings her thoughtful gifts, takes her to candle-lit dinners, foots the bill, calls, texts her often, and even feeds her literally!
The Empath: This type of guy is quick to offer his jacket when it’s cold, he pulls out her chair in restaurants, offers his elbow to support her as she climbs the stairs, and opens car doors for her to enter.
Finding out what type of guy your wife is sexually attracted to is as simple as asking her. If she is a bit shy about it or not sure, there are many quizzes you could take her through to reveal the ideal kind of man she finds most attractive.
Bottom Line
With the high number of divorces filed annually, couples must find innovative ways to strengthen their union. That said, it’s not unheard of to find that some couples opt to unconventionally spice things up.
Want to get your wife to sleep with someone else? Exploring your sensuality is something every partner in a committed relationship should feel confident about. Find what works for you and run with it. Above are ten tips to help you do just that.
Lauren Cook-McKay is the Vice President of Marketing at DivorceAnswers.com. She holds a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) from the University of San Diego and applies her training in private practice to helping couples struggling in their marriage. She believes there is hope in all marriages and strives to provide therapy to couples that will lead them back towards a loving marriage, or an amicable divorce that brings peace and closure.
