Can You Remarry The Same Person?

Marriage takes a lot from both people involved to make work.

You can love someone with all of your heart, but if you do not work with your partner to resolve conflict, the marriage will not last.

Unfortunately, many marriages do not last, but that does not mean they cannot work. Many people have successful second, third, and fourth marriages.

However, an interesting phenomenon is remarrying someone you previously divorced. While it is not conventional, you can legally remarry someone you previously divorced.

The odds might be against you, but there is no legal reason to stop you.

You never know, maybe you were too young the first time, and the second time around will be what makes your relationship perfect.

How Often Do Couples Remarry?

While old couples remarrying is not common, it is not as rare as you might think. Around 6% of couples marry each other again after their divorce has been finalized.

Additionally, studies have shown that around 10 to 15% of couples reconcile before separation. Separation is when couples live apart before they get divorced.

Several reasons might cause a couple to remarry, but most of the time it is because the couple realizes they were less happy apart than they were together.

Maybe they needed time to heal from an event or were too young the first time. Either way, there is a decent number of couples that remarry after their divorce.

Recommended Article: How Long After A Divorce Can You Remarry?

Why Do Divorced Couples Remarry After Time Apart?

Divorce is messy and usually caused by emotional incidents or drifting apart. Maybe people get married very young, and as a result, they get divorced young because they were not ready for marital commitment.

Others divorce each other after someone cheated or broke trust in some way. Some couples drift apart after several years of marriage.

Divorce is sad, but sometimes both people should see the relationship end. However, there are plenty of people that regret getting divorced. Fortunately, some of those people have gotten back together with their exes, eventually remarrying.

Studies have found several reasons for reconciliation and remarrying after divorce. The most common reason is the couple was too young when they first married.

As a result, time apart allowed both people to experience personal growth. This growth led them back to each other and a second marriage.

The most common cause of divorce is one person doing something to break the trust of the other person. Time apart gives couples time to forgive and forget what their ex did long.

If enough time passes and the offending person shows personal growth, it is not uncommon for couples to remarry.

It is also common for young couples to get divorced as an impulse after small problems. They might be too stubborn to admit to having bad reasons for getting divorced initially, and as a result, the divorce goes through.

However, after a while, they might recognize what they did wrong and apologize to their ex-spouse.

Sudden realization is another common cause of remarriage. One person might realize single life is not as satisfying as they thought, or they could realize they are still in love with their ex.

They could then go to their ex with their revelation and find out they feel the same way. This would lead to the couple getting back together.

Finally, marriage is not just a commitment to the person you are marrying, it is a commitment to their family. When you get married, their family becomes your family.

Depending on the length of the marriage, it is not uncommon for people to maintain positive relationships with their exes’ families after their divorce.

Talking with your exes’ family after your divorce can lead to you interacting with your ex more often than you would otherwise. This can lead to positive interactions, which can result in the couple getting back together.

Read More: What Are The Hardest Years Of Marriage? 

Know What You Are Getting Into When You Get Remarried

While you might be excited to get remarried to your ex-spouse, you need to be cautious. There were reasons your marriage did not work the first time, and those problems did not disappear into thin air.

You need to be ready to put in the work to ensure your marriage succeeds, and you need to know your ex is also willing to put in that work. If either of you is unwilling to work for your marriage, it will not last.

The first thing you need to realize is the odds are against you. Marriage is already not as successful as you might think, with around 50% of marriages in the United States ending in divorce. 

Unfortunately, your odds get worse if you are remarrying. 60% of remarriages fail, and they do so quicker than first marriages. After 10 years, 37% of remarriages fail compared to 30% of first marriages.

So, there are a few things you need to get straight in your head before you remarry your ex. Firstly, you need to know the odds are against you. Secondly, you need to take things slowly. Do not try to pick up your relationship where it left off.

You cannot completely treat it like a new marriage, but you should do your best to do that. Finally, you should see a marriage counselor with your spouse and consider taking marriage education courses.

Things to Do to Make Your Remarriage Succeed

If you want to remarry your ex, you cannot approach it like you did when you married them the first time. After all, your first marriage ended in a divorce, so something went wrong.

Instead, you need to focus on what you can do to have a loving relationship with your spouse long-term. Here are some things you can do to make your remarriage last.

Get Counseling

Listen, we know no one wants to go to marriage counseling. Not only do you need to be open about your feelings in an uncomfortable environment, but you also need to acknowledge your flaws.

Feelings can get hurt, but it is better for your relationship in the long run, especially if you have problems.

In marriage counseling, you will discuss the problems that led to your divorce. You might not think these things are important because they happened long ago, but they are.

They might not be relevant right now, but those problems will eventually resurface. It is better to discuss them in advance rather than having them brought up during a fight to hurt the other person.

Counseling also lets you discuss your finances. Many marriages fail because of finances. Maybe one person spent too much money, or maybe general financial strains led to the marriage collapsing.

Either way, it is essential to establish how you will spend your money and manage your finances. Being upfront about money will help your marriage last.

Reflect On What You Did Wrong

Depending on how your marriage ended, you might have different levels of guilt as to what went wrong. However, a marriage does not end because of one person. Both people share some of the blame. So, you need to reflect on what you did wrong.

Even if the other person cheated on you and you filed for divorce, as a result, think about what led your spouse to cheat on you. They are more to blame in this situation, but it is possible that your emotional or physical unavailability led to them cheating.

Consider How Remarrying Affects Your Children

If you have kids with your spouse, it is crucial to think about how remarrying will affect them. The divorce was probably hard on them, and you should not get their hopes up if you are not sure you are getting back together.

So, if you are dating before remarrying, you do not need to tell your kids immediately.

Additionally, you should not remarry because of your children. You might think you are doing the right thing, but that never ends well.

Have Realistic Expectations

Before you get remarried, it is essential to leave your first marriage in the past as best you can. Your first marriage is dead, and it is not coming back. Do not dwell on the past. Focus on the future so that the second marriage does not end like the first.

Furthermore, be realistic about your expectations for the marriage. You are marrying the same person, and while they might have grown over the years, they will have some of the same annoying habits.

Trust yourself and trust your spouse. Doing so will lead to a more successful remarriage.

Final Thoughts

Marriage is beautiful when it works, but when it fails, it is devastating. Divorce is one of the worst things you can experience, which is why it is rare to remarry your ex. However, 6% of divorced couples will remarry.

If you decide to remarry your ex, you need to be cautious and make sure you do it for the right reasons. Be prepared to put in the work, or it will not succeed.